Young man is sitting in bed and watching porn on laptop

I’m starting to believe that porn caused my ED. I had a medical checkup and I’m healthy. Before I get to the porn part, let me say that I’m an atheist and have nothing to do with religions. Politically, I’m a very liberal person. So here’s my story. I started watching porn at 15. Mainly light BDSM stuff. As I got older, I started watching hardcore BDSM stuff. At 25, when I got into a new relationship I started having ED issues. I just couldn’t get erect. Even after trying BDSM. So I stopped watching porn for 15 days and I become normal. Sex was great. Same thing happened when my then-girlfriend went to a different city for like 4-5 months. I started watching porn during that time again. Took another 20 days for me to be able to have sex. So basically if I watch porn today and masturbate to it, I can’t have normal sex for 15-20 days but with watching porn I can and used to masturbate 2-3 times a day without any erection issues. What advise would you give me, I’m confused between what to believe, is porn causing my problem or something else ? There’re no other issue in our relationship. No extra ordinary fights or cheating or any such things. I’m lucky to have an understanding partner of my age.

Responses

  • Michael Castleman says:

    First, ED is pretty rare among 27 year olds. A medical issue might be the cause but you say you’re healthy so that’s not it. Here are some possibilities to consider:

    • Refractory period (RP). This term refers to the period of time after orgasm/ejaculation when men can’t raise new erections. Among teens, RP might be only a few minutes. But as men age, it grows longer. For men your age, it might be up to a few hours. Some men self-sex to porn to prepare for partner lovemaking. If they come from stroking, they may not be done with their RPs when they have partner sex—and may not be able to raise erections because of this. Many of these men don’t appreciate the refractory period and they think: It must be the porn. No, it’s not. It’s the fact that they’re still in their RP. You can determine the duration of yours by masturbating to orgasm, and then going at it again every 15 minutes or so to see when you can get hard again. Once you know your RP, don’t have partner sex until it’s over. Finally, self-sexing is easier than partner sex, so RPs are shorter for masturbation than for partner lovemaking.

    • Stress. As I mentioned, solo sex is much easier than partner sex. By yourself, you have only yourself to please, and you get immediate feedback from your own body, so it’s easy to make the minor adjustments that keep you aroused and hard. In partner sex, you have to negotiate frequency and repertoire. You have to discuss what your lover likes and declare what you like. And conflicts are inevitable. Which means stress. Stress is hell on erections. Stress releases hormones that constrict the arteries that carry blood into the penis. Narrowed arteries mean less blood to fuel erections. You say you and your gf get along well and don’t fight. But it’s still possible that the stress inherent in partner sex is contributing to your erection problem. The solution is to discuss your partner sex more fully. Most people don’t talk about their sex much. They just do it. But in your situation, I urge you and your gf to fully discuss what you each like and dislike and how often and how you want to make love. That should reduce any stress you might be experiencing.

    • Guilt. Many people believe that it’s fine for singles to masturbate (with or without porn), but that once they’re coupled, they should no longer need solo sex. This is mistaken. Many surveys show that coupled folks self-sex just as much as singles, sometimes more. But if coupled individuals believe they shouldn’t want to self-sex anymore, and they still do it, that may generate guilt feelings, which trigger the release of the stress hormones I just mentioned, which can kill erections. Single or coupled, it’s always fine to stroke. Try not to fee guilty or conflicted about it.

    For more on erection issues, you might consider purchasing my low-cost e-book, Enjoy the Best Sex of Your Life. Among its 135 chapters, several deal with erection issues. You may find some useful information. My e-book carries a money-back guarantee through PayPal so it’s risk-free.

    And if my reply and e-book don’t resolve things for you, then I’d suggest a brief course of sex therapy, either by yourself or with your gf. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, the therapist does NOT have sex with you and does NOT watch you have sex. Sex therapy is a form of talk-based psychotherapy with “homework.” It usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-300/hour, though many therapists discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my low-cost e- article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy. (It’s included in my e-book so if you buy for former, no need to buy the sex therapy article separately), or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    I wish you great sex.

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