I have been involved with my partner now for nearly five years. When we first slept together she told me that she was still a virgin at the age of 43. This shocked me, but we share many interests and generally get on fine. I thought I could make the relationship work. She has lived for years on her own, so when I moved in she had a great deal of culture shock.
My problem is that she can never relax. She is a very driven classical musicians who comes from a very high achieving family but as an outsider ever so slightly dysfunctional.
We are taking a break from each other at the moment, I want it to work, but she has a real problem with intimacy. The strangest thing is that when we are standing in line at the store or in a cafe, she is all huggy and kissy, but when it comes to the bedroom, she says she is too tired. When we did make time to go to bed, the sex is always a one-way street, a lot of me stroking, caressing, and playing with her genitals, which brings her to orgasm, but she has real trouble being intimate with me.
I have put up with this for many years but I feel that this relationship is one step forwards and then two steps back. When I leave, she says she doesn’t want me to go, but when I have been away for a couple of days, it takes a couple of hours for her to calm down. She has had mild mental heath problems in the past. I’m getting tired of this “50 first dates” feeling, when we have been apart for a few days, it’s wearing me down. And her problem with intimacy with my genitalia just makes it worse, she won’t talk about it, I think she needs to see a therapist, sorry that was a long one.