A few years ago, my wife agreed that if I paid off her credit cards, she would be willing to receive a sensual massage with a happy ending from a stranger while I watched. After I paid off her debt, she backed out. I felt resentment and she may have as well because at that point she agreed to erotic chat with me and another man which she did briefly and then simply said she didn’t want to do it anymore. Now she wants me to pay off her Lasik surgery and I feel like telling her I won’t pay it off unless she makes good on the original deal we made to be massaged sensually while I watch or to continue the erotic chat. Am I out of line to feel this way and to suggest that she do this or I won’t pay?
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Your issue involves sex, but it’s not a “sex” problem. It’s an issue of honoring agreements, which everyone should, and some people don’t, for example, your wife. I hasten to add that I’m hearing only one side of the disagreement, so I can’t know what’s really going on between you. In addition, your wife’s reactions may turn on other issues in your marriage of which I am unaware. Nonetheless, IF your reporting is accurate, I would say you are under no obligation to risk a repeat of your previous disappointment at her failure to honor your agreement about that sensual massage. I suggest you consider couple counseling that focuses on honoring agreements. It might help. To find a couple therapist near you, ask family, friends, clergy, physicians, and people you know who have been in therapy or are therapists.