My last girlfriend was loud in bed and would reach orgasm really easily 100% of the time, by either fingering or intercourse. Well, we broke up and now I’m terrified that I will never be able to find another girl like that, and therefore, never be happy with anyone else. I suffer from general anxiety and OCD, so I’ve been really anxious and distressed over “what if” questions like “what if I never find another girl who is loud in bed” and “what if I never find another girl who orgasms 100% of the time”. The huge amount of doubt I feel that I will ever be able to meet another woman like that has me feeling hopeless that I will never be happy with anyone else. Sometimes I even regret breaking up with her and think I should have maybe endured the toxic relationship I had with her, just so I could continue to experience her sexual response which turned me on so much. I guess my question is, am I right to feel hopeless because women like her are extremely rare? I almost feel like giving up trying to meet another woman because I don’t think anyone else will compare, i.e, not loud during sex and don’t orgasm through intercourse or manual stimulation in vagina 100% of the time.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I’m not surprised that you’ve been diagnosed with an anxiety problem. You question exudes anguish.

    You situation is far from hopeless. If your next love is not super loud, I suggest you gently encourage her to let herself go when she comes. Most people enjoy a little vocalizing at orgasm. Few are silent. So chances are your next gal will make some noise. Then just mention that you love loud wailing at climax and make noise yourself when you come. It shouldn’t take long before she gets louder.

    But consistent orgasms from fingering or intercourse—that’s another story. Here’s the deal: Only 25 percent of women are reliably orgasmic from just intercourse. The other 75 percent need gentle, extended caresses of the clitoris. Most women enjoy the special closeness of intercourse, but the old in-out doesn’t provide all that much clitoral stimulation, so only a small fraction of women come that way. Your ex was one of the lucky minority. But chances are three in four that your subsequent lovers won’t be, that they’ll need their clits stroked, licked, sucked, and/or vibrated. So you take turns. She helps you to your orgasm the way you like, and you do the same for her. She comes 100 percent of the time, but probably not from intercourse. And that’s fine and totally normal. In TV and movies, the women always come during intercourse. In real life, things are considerably different.

    As for your anxiety that you’ll never meet another like your ex, there are plenty of fish in the sea who are not toxic. Time spent having sex represents only a small fraction of the time couples spend together. Go for someone whose company you enjoy, who shares your values and sense of humor, who enjoys activities you enjoy, and who can get along with your family. It’s easier to fine tune sex with a woman who’s a good fit than it is to transform the personality of a gal who’s hot but nasty.

    And for more about helping women have orgasms, you might read my low-cost e-article Six Ways to Help Her Have Orgasms. It comes with a money-back guarantee through PayPal, so it’s risk-free and no cause for anxiety.

    I hope you find a girlfriend who’s compatible and fun.

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