Sad pretty girl sitting on windowsill

I am 14 years old. I accidentally discovered when I was three that playing with my vulva feels good. But my mom saw me playing with it once when I was four and she seemed horrified at what I was doing and told me it was bad and that I needed to stop.

When I was six, she caught me again. To get me to stop, she started checking to see where my hands were several times throughout the night, If she couldn’t see them from the outside of my blanket, she would peek underneath my blanket to see what they were doing.

One of my twin sisters who are two years younger than me, also got caught a few times masturbating after she turned five, leading to the same type of motherly checkups after bed time.

When I was eleven, and my 2 sisters nine, our parents one evening talked to the three of us. They asked if we knew what masturbation was. None of us were familiar with the term. They told us that it’s a secret habit that a lot of people start doing at our age. And that most people who start doing this secret habit usually do it in their bedroom, or in the bathroom.

Yikes, I started to feel uncomfortable, was my secret playing with my vulva this masturbation thing they were talking about?

Then they said we shouldn’t do it. The rationale they gave was that this secret habit will cause you to become a slave to it.

So the message was if we have never masturbated, don’t start, and that if we do and have already began masturbating but were just too shy to admit that during this meeting, stop, and stop quickly before a bad habit starts.

I quickly dismissed and forgot all about what was said at that meeting. I figured, how can something that is just done in secret every once in a while that feels so good be this bad? Even if it becomes an addiction, I figured it isn’t like a street drug or something. I didn’t think so anyway.

But now one of my twelve year old sisters told me in secret today that she masturbates 2 to 3 times a day and that she is worried that she is now a slave to it, like what our parents talked about a few years ago. And me, for the last couple of years, I do it at least 3 times a day also, many times I have done it five or six times a day also. I didn’t want to tell that to my sister though. But now she is definately worried that she has become a slave to masturbation, and while I am not as worried as she is, I am definitely wondering if that is what we are both becoming.

And I was wondering if there is any way to stop. I have tried many times to quit. When I was younger than ten, I could quit for up to a week. But now when I try to quit, I can’t go longer than 36 hours, and it’s also uncomfortable to even try.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Like your parents, some people believe that playing with your own genitals, that is, masturbation, is wrong or a sin. People who feel that way tend to be socially conservative or deeply religious. I don’t want to put down anyone’s religion or drive any wedge between you and your parents. But the vast majority of scientists and psychologists who study sexuality, including me, believe that unless solo sex interferes significantly with your life responsibilities—that is: school, work, or social or family obligations—there’s nothing wrong with it, even if you self-sex more than once a day. During people’s free time, some watch TV, or play video games, or visit with friends, or shop, or exercise—all fine. And some reach between their legs for the marvelous pleasure it provides—also fine, at least as far as I’m concerned, and as I mentioned, the vast majority of sexologists agree with me.

    Life involves emotional stress. That’s true at any age. Young people like you and your sisters have stresses that are different from those of adults, but they’re still stresses, things like school worries, am I popular?, issues with friends, issues with boys you may be interested in or who may be interested in you, and many more. When people feel emotional stress, some deal with it by exercising, or taking hot baths, or meditating, or talking with friends. And some manage their stress by masturbating to orgasm, which usually relieves their anxieties for a while. The thing is that when authority figures—parents, clergy, etc.—condemn masturbation, those who hear those messages—you and your sisters—may become even more stressed, and use masturbation even more to de-stress.

    You say you’re “addicted” to masturbation. No you’re not. You just enjoy it. Americans use the term “addiction” very loosely. Some say they’re “addicted” to shopping, TV, bacon, ice cream, whatever. Actually, they’re not addicted. They just like those things a great deal. Addiction has a pretty narrow medical definition, and masturbating, even daily or more, does not qualify as an addiction. Thousands of psychologists and sex scientists have debated this issue for years, and the vast majority have decided that there are no sexual addictions. Some people just enjoy sex, including masturbation, more than others, and it’s fine.

    If you want to masturbate less, I would suggest strenuous exercise or hanging out with friends. But as I mentioned, unless self-sexing significantly interferes with your life responsibilities, there’s nothing wrong with it, so there’s no need to cut back, even if you self-sex daily or more.

    That’s my opinion, shared by many sex experts. It’s at odds with your parents’ beliefs, and I’m sorry about that, sorry that it puts you in a bind about who to believe and how to live your life. But as certain as your parents are about the supposed evils of masturbation, that’s how certain I am that self-sexing is fine, with the stipulations I’ve already mentioned.

    So feel free to let your hands wander between your legs. To keep the peace with your parents, just make sure you do it in private without their knowledge.

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