Happy Man Using Laptop Computer At Home

Your article advocates the use of porn for a man’s self-indulgence.. I am a very open minded woman, not sexually shy, but suggesting that porn is okay, you are not addressing the dangers of porn addiction that becomes horrible for the spouse. How can occasional porn seeking to enhance his sex life with his partner not to turn into an addiction? You mention millions of porn sites, I’m sure you are aware of the extent of sites that involve teen girls degrading themselves for the pleasure of a man. Do you not see the destruction of lives? The days of flipping through a magazine are gone… Internet porn destroys lives. What is your advice on the physiology that occurs in a man’s brain from this? When does it become crossing a line? Why not suggest couples engaging together in soft porn for stimulation. I await to hear your reply.

Responses

  • Michael Castleman says:

    I don’t “advocate” that men use porn. If they don’t want to, that’s fine with me. I simply recognize that virtually every man on Earth with an internet connection has seen it, and masturbated to it, and that many do so frequently largely for emotional self-soothing or to prepare for partner sex.

    You ask “How can occasional porn not to turn into an addiction?” The same way social drinking doesn’t necessarily turn into alcoholism. The same way an occasional scoop of ice cream doesn’t turn into obesity. The large majority of people have reasonable self-control.

    As for the brain changes you allude to, yes, when exposed to porn, men’s brains release dopamine, the neurotransmitter of pleasure. But the brain releases dopamine for ANY pleasure, from birthday parties to listening to music you like, to partner lovemaking. Porn critics have seized on dopamine release as something abnormal, a harbinger of addiction. That’s a vast exaggeration. The brain releases dopamine in response to any and every pleasure.

    I’m well aware that a tiny proportion of men—around 4 tenths of 1 percent (0.004)—become so wrapped up in porn that they ignore their responsibilities in life, including partner sex. I think they should see sex therapists. But virtually 100 percent of men are familiar with porn and 99.96 percent of them DON’T disappear into a black hole. Meanwhile, around 10 percent of people who use alcohol become alcoholic, a much higher rate of problems than porn causes.

    If you’d more about my perspectives on “sex addiction,” you can read my 3-part series on PsychologyToday.com, Porn Addiction: Fact” Or Fiction?
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201806/sex-addiction-fact-or-fiction-part-1-3
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201806/sex-addiction-fact-or-fiction-part-2-3
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201807/sex-addiction-fact-or-fiction-part-3-3

    If you’re in pain because of your man’s porn use, I urge you to consult a sex therapist. Ideally, you and your man should do this together. But if he’s no willing, I urge you to go by yourself. A sex therapist can encourage you to vent, provide information, and suggest coping strategies.

    If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, the therapist does NOT have sex with you and does NOT watch you have sex. Sex therapy is a form of talk-based psychotherapy with “homework.” It usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-200/hour, though many therapists discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my low-cost article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    I wish you great sex.

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