I am in a committed relationship. My boyfriend, age 54, and I, 43, have been together almost two years. Our sex life was amazing for the first 6 months. We shared different kinds of bedroom play: kissing, cuddling, lots of romance and erotic touching, even consensual fantasy play. I love this man very, very much. He is everything I’ve ever wanted. He can turn me on with just a glance or a passing touch. I love feeling close to him. I crave that. I want to give myself to him.
But recently our sex life has gone way downhill. He has only “tongue kissed” me once in the last 6 months. He doesn’t want to touch me intimately. We used to have sex anytime, anywhere, but now he’ll only do it at night in bed. We had intercourse last night. He lost his erection so I performed oral on him and he went wild.
Some facts:
• He earns okay money.
• He doesn’t use tobacco, but dabbles with marijuana.
• He drinks but not much, a half-dozen beers a month.
• He is 30 pounds overweight (me too).
• He is pre-diabetic, and suffers from hypertension and high cholesterol, but his BP and LDL are now within normal ranges on prescribed medications.
• He complains of osteoarthritis—knee, legs foot, and back pain.
• He complains of fatigue.
• He no longer wants the lights on during sex.
• He loses his erection within two or three minutes.
• He can achieve and maintain an erection through oral sex, and he enjoys this very much.
• He watches porn occasionally, but that’s okay with me—I just wish he would include me so we can share it together.
I feel as if he is not attracted to me anymore. I also feel cheated out of sex with him. I end up having to masturbate to achieve orgasm, but it’s not the same—and after, I feel emptier. Maybe it’s me, and not him.