Older man, younger woman

Hello, thanks so much for offering this service. So generous of you!

On and off for my entire life I’ve had persistent sexual fantasies about older men. I am a 32 year old woman who has always had similarly aged partners. I’ve dated both men and women. Lately I’m having older-man fantasies frequently. About 10 years ago, I got to fulfill my fantasy for one night after a chance meeting with a 65 year old professor at a hotel bar. It was fun and satisfying at the time. Unfortunately guilt and shame took over afterwards. I want to give older men another shot but I am concerned about feeling guilt and shame again. Please help if you can. Thanks!


  • Michael Castleman says:

    In fantasy, everything is permitted and nothing is wrong. But quite often, reality doesn’t live up to our fantasies, or living them out triggers negative emotions.

    So I have a question for you: Way back when, why do you think you reacted negatively to realizing your fantasy? You don’t mention if you’re coupled. If you are, perhaps you feel guilty about infidelity. You don’t mention if you experienced any child sexual abuse from an older man. If so, realizing your fantasy might trigger flashbacks. Thinking about why you felt badly after that one time may provide some insights.

    The thing about erotic fantasies is that they can feel so real, so vivid, so compelling that you assume their realization will be fantastic. But life is messy and actual reactions may not feel as positive as the reverie.

    You’re 10 years older than you were that night with the professor. Over that time, maybe you’ve changed. It’s possible that you might feel guilty again. But perhaps you won’t. There’s only one way to find out. The decision is yours. But a negative reaction a decade ago may not predict what happens now. Think about what you want and decide.

    For more about erotic fantasies, you might read my low-cost article, Sexual Fantasies: Welcome Them. It carries a money-back guarantee, so it’s risk-free. Good luck, and may all your dreams come true.

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