Happy young couple laying on the floor

Hi I’m 28 years old I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years.  We have a great sex life. I do, however, fantasize about her and other men. I don’t want to see her have sex. I just want to be with her after. I love her dearly and this would not affect the relationship. I just need some advice on how to approach the situation? And what I should do? Is this weird? Thanks



  • Michael Castleman says:

    I believe in freedom of fantasy. In fantasy, everything is permitted and nothing is wrong. You just have to be clear on the differences between fantasy and reality.

    So you fantasize her with other men, a cuckold fantasy. That’s a common fantasy among men, not as common as daydreaming oneself with another woman, but still quite common. Men love to see or imagine women being sexual and in fantasy it often doesn’t matter with whom. You’re free to have these fantasies. Enjoy them. As I mentioned, in fantasy all is permitted and nothing is wrong.

    But your question implies that you’re thinking about transforming this fantasy into reality—her actually having sex with another man, and then coming home to you, presumably to discuss what happened and have sex with you soon after her fling. There is no “right” way to have a relationship. There’s only what works for the two people. Most couples have no interest in cuckoldry. But some work your fantasy into their relationships and thrive. Others try it, and it doesn’t work, possibly even harming the relationship. Anything is possible.

    If you want to pursue a cuckold scenario, step one is to discuss it with your girlfriend. If she’s not into it, you can still fantasize. If she’s on the fence, then you can discuss how your fantasy might be modified to suit her. You say you don’t want to see her having sex with other men. Wat if she would—but only if you’re present? How would you feel about that?

    If she’s ready to live out some form of your fantasy, then ground rules become critical. I suggest you read my low-cost article, The Curious Couple’s Guide to Occasional Non-Monogamy. It discusses how to develop mutually acceptable ground rules.

    Finally, sexual fantasies can feel so vivid, so compelling, so real that you truly believe you’d love them to come true. Then they do … and some people are shocked to realize that they don’t really want the result. Maybe you really do want her with other men. But maybe you don’t. Only one way to find out. See if she’ll play that way (or close to it) and see. But don’t be surprised if once is enough for you.

    I wish you the best.

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