Young depressed couple in bed

So my fiance and I have been together 2 years, and in this 2 years alot has happened. I know depression can affect a person’s sex life. So can everyday situations. But here’s what I’m having a hard time understanding. How can a man touch, kiss, or play with his woman in all the right spots and yet walk away? I mean periodically doing this all day yet never having sex with her. Or when he says we are going to but that time doesn’t come. This can go on for days, weeks even. I sit and wait, all the while he turns me on just to leave me there. He tells me he never thinks of sex—I’m not stupid. I know he does. Because he masturbates!!!! He says we have the best sex he’s ever had, yet claims it’s his depression that has changed his sex drive. Still he pushes up on me, kisses me, pulls my hair, everything he’s knows turns me on. He tells me we’re going to have sex, then goes and masturbates. EVERY TIME. Meanwhile I wait. He has done this to me for up to 19 days straight. I finally cried and begged him to stop turning me on cause it hurts. He got mad and said I don’t care about him and the depression he’s going through. But here’s the real cherry on top. I know he watches porn—gay porn. I know he’s been with men before but he swears he wants me. I’m very open when it comes to sex. I actually find it very hot that he’s done what he has. Hell, I’ve been with women. He tells me it’s just a fantasy, but then tells me he doesn’t have fantasies. Whenever I suggest something new sexually, he says he won’t like it. But how am I supposed to feel sexy, wanted, desired or enough for him? How can he say I turn him on when he masturbates to gay porn while he leaves me hanging???? Its not like he masturbates and then we do it. He does it and then NOTHING. Or we do have sex and it doesn’t last long, so of course I’m ready for more, but he goes and masturbates. Oh yeah, when he masturbates, the quickest I’ve seen has been 15 mins, but normally he’s in there for an hour or more. Also he has lasted 3 hours with me giving him head but can’t last more than 15 mins during intercourse? He loves giving me oral sex though. He wants sex with me then. He never liked head until he got with me. He said no one ever did it right. They all hurt him. Until me! I love giving head. Since I felt he really doesn’t want sex with me, I figured at least he enjoyed and wanted me for head. Until he told me  he was thinking of other people and having sex with them. That was a blow to my self-esteem. He says I’m fucked up and I shouldn’t be so insecure! How the hell does that work? He always had to plan to have sex with me…. At least thats what he said, he has a plan don’t worry we will. Or I was planning on it. I had a plan but now…. I mean wtf? I’m so confused…. I feel so unattractive. He said all I have to do is ask him and we will do it. But that’s not true. Sometimes I have to ask 4 or 5 times in a day. I feel like I’m begging. It’s making me ashamed of wanting sex, making me hate myself for wanting sex, and making me not want it. He doesn’t moan during sex. He doesn’t talk dirty. He doesnt kiss me or feel me up. Sometimes he smacks my butt. But I can never tell if he’s enjoying it. Any advice??

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