Naked couple in bed

We’re in our late teens. My boyfriend always ejaculates after masturbating but he tells me he doesn’t orgasm. We’ve been together 2 years and he’s said he’s only orgasmed like 4 times. Is he orgasming and not knowing it? Or is something else going on?

Responses

  • Michael Castleman says:

    In men, ejaculation and orgasm usually occur simultaneously. But they’re enabled by different nerves, so it’s possible to experience one without the other. Some men experience ejaculation but not orgasm (numb cum), but it’s rare, especially in late teenage men.

    From your description, I can’t be sure what’s going on with your boyfriend. When people have orgasms, they almost always recognize them, so it’s hard to believe your bf doesn’t. You say he has numb cum after masturbating. What about after sex with you?

    Does he masturbate/have sex drunk? If so, that might explain it. At levels that cause drunkenness, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant that can impair the ability to feel orgasms. If he has sex drunk, he might try abstaining from alcohol before masturbating and partner sex, and see how that feels. He might also consider using cannabis before sex. For most people, it enhances the pleasure of orgasm.

    If he has orgasms with you, but not when self-sexing, it’s possible he strokes too quickly and furiously. If so, he might try self-sexing more slowly, like over 10 minutes or so, using gentle strokes and a lubricant on his hand and penis—saliva, vegetable oil, or a commercial sex lubricant available at pharmacies (near the condoms).

    Orgasm involves contraction of the pelvic floor muscles between the legs. The more toned those muscles become, the more intensely pleasurable orgasm feels. If those muscles are unusually weak, orgasms feels weak, too, or people may not feel it at all. It’s unusual for young people to have weak pelvic floor muscles. But it’s possible. Fortunately, it’s easy to strengthen them using Kegel exercises. Kegels involve engaging the muscles used to squeeze out the last few drops of urine. When you do Kegels, the anal muscles also contract. For more on Kegels, search the Internet. Your bf might do Kegels a few times a day. Over a couple months, his pelvic floor muscles should become stronger, and he should experience more pleasurable orgasms.

    If he doesn’t, then I’d suggest consulting a doctor who specializes in sexual medicine. To find one near you, visit the Sexual Medicine Society of North America.

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