A young woman on a stool kissing her tall boyfriend

My husband & I are newlyweds, new to sex together, and can’t figure out how to have sex doggy style. Have had some laughs, but just wind up confused. It seems as though if I’m on my hands and knees, I’m too high up for him, or he’s hanging down too low to get in…If I’m flat on my belly, he just can’t seem to find his way in that way, either. How difficult can this be! LOL He’s 6’1, I’m 5’5″; are our heights a problem? He has less prior sexual experience than I do, and I’ve never had this happen before. We also struggle with ED which sucks, but we’re trying to figure out what to do. So far, Viagra and Cialis, as well as “natural” OTC supplements, are 50/50 successful. Vacuum pump hurts him and doesn’t maintain erection. I am 47 and his is 60. Thank you for your help. I’m glad I found your site.

Responses

  • Michael Castleman says:

    Lovers of different heights may, indeed, have difficulty with the logistics of doggy-style intercourse. My suggestions: First, engage in plenty of mutual sensual touch, hand jobs, and oral before attempting doggy. That should help your vulva/vagina become more receptive and his penis firm. Second, make sure you’re both well lubricated—your vulva/vagina and his penis. Then experiment. You might stand and bend over the bed or a chair or sofa. You might be on your belly with a few pillows under you to lift up your pelvis. Or he might insert while spooning you—on your sides, your back to his chest—and then once your joined, you can both slowly move so you’re on your hands (or elbow) and knees. It’s great that you have a sense of humor about this. That should help minimize frustrations. You CAN do this. Doggy isn’t all that difficult to accomplish. You just need to play with it and figure out what works for you.

    About his ED: You might begin by obtaining a copy of my low-cost e-book, Enjoy the Best Sex of Your Life. It’s 135 chapters contain several on erection issues, and others on sex for older lovers, and more on pretty much every aspect of lovemaking. You say he isn’t very sexually experienced. The e-book should provide him good background on all aspects of lovemaking. And once he—and possibly you—have digested the material, it should allow him/both of you to feel more relaxed about sex. Deep relaxation is key to firm erections, so reading the e-book might help there.

    If the e-book doesn’t resolve things sufficiently, then I’d suggest sex therapy. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, the therapist does NOT have sex with you and does NOT watch you have sex. Sex therapy is a form of talk-based psychotherapy with “homework.” It usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $200-400/hour, though many therapists discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my low-cost e-article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy (it’s included in the the e-book), and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    I wish you great sex—doggy style and every other way, too.

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