I have enjoyed sex since getting married 38 years ago. My wife does not really like sex. It was a week after getting married before we had intercourse. We were both virgins. Our sex lives have not improved over the years. It is very possible it is my fault because I want it so often. How often should a 60 year old want sex?

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  • Michael Castleman says:

    At any age, there is no “normal” amount of sexual desire, and no “normal” frequency. Libido is deeply personal. So is sexual frequency. But for the record, based on several studies, about two-thirds of 60-year-old men with partners have sex two to three times a month, with the other third mostly having less, and a small percentage more.

    Quantity of sex often has a good deal to do with quality. You say your wife doesn’t really like sex. Is she orgasmic with you? Do you know? It’s possible that she just doesn’t much care for sex. But it’s also possible that the way you guys make love doesn’t provide her with the touch she needs to experience orgasm, and if she’s not having orgasms, she’s probably not feeling very open to sex. You say were were both virgins when you married, which implies that neither of you knew much about lovemaking. You say things haven’t improved much since. So maybe you could benefit from some information about what constitutes satisfying sex—especially for women—and how you might provide that. For starters, I recommend that you read my e-book, The Best of GreatSexGuidance.com. It may help you adjust your lovemaking so that your wife enjoys it more … and is more willing to play.

    If the e-book doesn’t provide sufficient help, then I’d urge you to consult a sex therapist for individualized coaching about improving the quality of your sex. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, my e-book contains an chapter about it. Or you might see the recent movie “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones as a sexually unhappy couple who see a sex therapist are are glad they did. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    I wish you the best.

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