I actually have a couple questions: One is in regards to my own anatomy. I am a 47 year old female who was sexually abused as a child, since I was a toddler to age 12, never penetrated but every other sick thing imaginable including constant forced use of a vibrator to stimulate me ever since I was 6 or 7. Other similar issues occurred later in life. My point being that even though I’ve learned to forgive the perpetrators and forgive myself and know that it wasn’t my fault, I’ve sought counseling and have a pretty good spiritually healthy life. I do have some physical conditions: colon & thyroid cancer in my mid twenties and again in my early thirties…I have zero thyroid left, In my early 30’s I developed ulcerative colitis. But even before they came about, I noticed that I’ve never been able to actually orgasm, I thought when I was in my early 20s it was due to what happened to my sexual trauma. Now I wonder if it could be more my physical traumas. I am 47 years old and still can’t orgasm…I mean I can feel pleasures but only with oral sex or using a vibrator never through intercourse. and even so, my “orgasms” ..( use that word with great reservation) are like a spurt of maybe like two to four seconds ..if that. Could it still be psychological or could it be something physical from what happened to me in my youth… Would you know the answer? Or if not, how I could go about figuring it out?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I’m sorry to learn of your heart-rending story. I’m very glad you’ve survived and have a “pretty good spiritually health life.”

    Who can say why you’re having trouble with orgasm? Your child sex abuse is certainly a factor. Your cancers and ulcerative colitis, too. And the fact that you’ve lived with this situation for a long time.

    But whatever the cause(s), there’s HOPE! Sex therapists enjoy an excellent track record of helping women learn to climax, even those like you who have had problems for decades. I don’t know what kind of counseling you’ve had, but a sex therapist can also help you process what you endured with special focus on its sexual aspects.

    If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, the therapist does NOT have sex with you and does NOT watch you have sex. Sex therapy is a form of talk-based psychotherapy with “homework,” in your case probably various types of self-pleasuring. It usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-200/hour, though many therapists discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my low-cost article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    I’m confident your situation CAN be happily resolved. I wish you great sex and rocking orgasms.

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