Worried young man

I’m 42 and still a virgin and almost fully convinced there is NO possibility of it ever happening. I’m not really a bad looking guy but feel invisible to opposite sex. I would love to meet some nice but very introverted woman. Any suggestions? I seriously think there is something wrong me (not joking). This is really starting to affect me.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. But believe me, you’re not alone. Quite a few people are older virgins.

    I can’t tell you how to meet Ms. Nice Introvert. Instead, I recommend that you consider a surrogate partner, a sexologically trained woman who can answer the questions you probably have about women, their bodies, and their sexuality, and introduce you to mutual whole-body massage (partially clothed or naked) to familiarize you with the foundation of enjoyable lovemaking which is playful, gentle mutual touch. A surrogate can help you gain confidence in your sexual abilities so that when you do meet Ms. Right, you’ll feel reasonably familiar with erotic explorations. I hasten to add that while some surrogates are happy to get into genital sex—handjobs, fellatio, and safe intercourse—most don’t go in for genital sex, so decide what you need and then negotiate with the surrogates you interview how far they’re willing to go. To find surrogate partners, visit the International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA).

    Most surrogates work in tandem with sex therapists, licensed psychotherapists with extensive extra training in sexual issues. As I mentioned, older virgins are by no means rare. Most sex therapists have had clients like you. You can also find surrogates through sex therapists. To find one near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, or the American Board of Sexology.

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