indian senior couple smiling

I am 77 and in good health. My wife is 59 and has Breast Cancer. Her illness has been a difficult journey for both of us. We haven’t enjoyed sexual intimacy for almost a year. As a result of her recent surgeries and the long-term recovery process, it will be much longer before we will be able to begin embracing sexual intimacy again. During this time, what steps should I take to maintain and even strengthen my sexual fitness to ensure my sexual readiness when our time for sexual intimacy returns? Thank you!


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I feel for both of you. I hope your wife enjoys a complete recovery.

    While she is in treatment and recovering from it, you may not be able to be as sexual as you would like to be. But even if genital sexuality is off the table for a while, you can still satisfy each other’s “skin hunger” for loving touch. I urge you to massage your wife, and if she can reciprocate, she can also massage you. This would involve whole-body massage, from head to toe, with the genitals included or excluded as you each prefer.

    Many people conceive of “sex” as vaginal intercourse. Actually, it’s mutual whole body massage that eventually extends to the genitals. Even if you can’t engage in genital play, you can still provide loving touch over the rest of your bodies. Massage is deeply relaxing and satisfying, especially to people with cancer who think their bodies have betrayed them by getting sick. Even in the midst of illness, loving touch can still feel deeply relaxing and satisfying. I especially recommend massage of her hands and feet, both of which contain tons of touch-sensitive nerve endings. Massaging them can offer profound benefits to well-being.

    If you’re not familiar with giving massages, search the Internet for resources: books, videos, YouTube material, etc.Or get a professional massage and pay close attention to what you like so you can provide the same touch. Massage is not difficult. Invite the recipient to tell you what feels good or what changes would make your moves feel good.

    Beyond massage, I would urge both of you to stay in the best physical condition you can. Your wife may not feel much like exercising, but you still can, and she probably can, too, within her current limitations. At your ages, good forms of exercise include: walking, dancing, swimming, biking, gardening, or playing any sports you enjoy. You don’t have to run marathons or do anything aerobic. Just move your body for 30 to 60 minutes ideally daily doing any activity you enjoy.

    These suggestions should prepare you for a return to lovemaking when you can do that. In the meantime, these suggestions can also provide enjoyment and relaxation, and add to your feelings of well-being.

    I wish you sizzling sex for life.

  • TommyJiii@442106 says:

    Thank you very much, Michael, for your timely, knowledgeable, caring, sensitive reply! The information and guidance you shared is filled with powerful wisdom, as well as common sense. I look forward to following your guidance with realistic and exciting expectations for achieving excellent results! Again, thank you!

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