Sad senior man sitting at table

I am a 71-year old male. I have had a really good sexual relationship with my wife for about 45 years, and we have two adult children.

Now erectile dysfunction has set in and I cannot do anything sexually in bed anymore at all. I am unwilling to inject anything into my penis or to have a penile implant of any kind. I have a vacuum device which doesn’t do anything for me. I have tried Viagra and similar drugs with no success, and am now on Androgel. Is sex over for me?

I am still romantically interested in my wife, but she has a “that’s all over, I have moved onto other interests” sexual attitude. I have not had a climax in over two years and miss this greatly! My excellent doctor says there is nothing that can be done about my ED.

I read about all the exciting things for couples sexually, but I cannot do any of them! Does there come a time in a man’s life when it is all over sexually, when he cannot get erect or climax?

Thank you.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    No! Sex is not over for you if you still want to make love. Intercourse may be history, but there are plenty of other marvelous, orgasmic ways to play between the sheets.

    You’re a typical 71-year-old man. The vast majority of men your age have some ED, and for quite a few, they drugs and vacuum devices don’t work. And I agree with you about deciding against any surgical implants—very costly and risky.

    The fact is, for most older lovers, intercourse becomes problematic or impossible. The men have ED, and the women have vaginal dryness and tissue thinning (atrophy) that can make intercourse uncomfortable or impossible, even with plenty of lubricant. Older couples who remain sexual usually leave intercourse behind and opt instead for all the other ways couples can make love: kissing, mutual whole-body massage, hand jobs, oral, fingering, and toys.

    One key thing you should know: Men’s don’t need erections to have great, satisfying orgasms. That’s right, in an erotic context (music, lingerie, candle light, etc.) with sufficient stimulation (by hand, mouth, or toy), men with semi-firm or even flaccid penises can still have orgasms.

    For more on this, I suggest you read my low-cost e-article, Great Sex Without Intercourse. It carries a money-back guarantee through PayPal so it’s risk-free.

    Meanwhile, Androgel is testosterone. In men with clinical deficiencies, it boosts desire, but it doesn’t do much for erection function. It sounds like you still have an active libido, so I’m not sure why your doctor has prescribed Androgel. You might inquire.

    Finally, if your wife decides that she’s all through with sex, you can still play solo. It’s not the same as partner lovemaking, but it’s way better than nothing.

    I wish you and your wife great—and enduring—sex.

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