unhappy couple having conflict in bed at home

How do I get my pregnant wife to want to have sex with me? I mean how can I get her horny enough to want to have sex with me? Since she’s gotten pregnant, nothing.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    My sympathies that she’s lost her libido since getting pregnant. That’s fairly common, but it doesn’t make life easy for you.

    There are several issues to consider:
    • Women’s (and men’s) sexual desire during pregnancy is all over the map and totally unpredictable. Some pregnant women (and their partners) want more sex, others the same frequency, and some lose much—or all—of their libido. Sound like your wife is in the last group.

    • Some women are very concerned that sex might harm the baby. It doesn’t. Developing fetuses are surrounded by water, actually amniotic fluid, that’s an excellent shock absorber. Even vigorous intercourse doesn’t harm developing babies. If this is part of why your wife has withdrawn from sex, it might reassure her enough to restore some of her libido.

    • Some women feel much less attractive and desirable when pregnant. I urge you to reassure her that you still find her very desirable, and still want her. That may help. Or not.

    • Even women with strong libidos during pregnancy usually want less sex during the third trimester when their bellies have grown really large, when dragging all that extra weight around causes fatigue that interferes with sexual desire.

    Alas, you can’t “make” her want more sex. Libido is very personal, and desire during pregnancy is very individual and unpredictable. My suggestion: Offer to do nice things for her (cuddle, give her baths, and give her massages, especially her her feet, neck, and shoulders) in exchange for her doing nice things for you (hand jobs, oral). She may or may not be into this, but it’s worth a try suggesting such an exchange.

    If she absolutely refuses to be sexual, I suggest you take care of yourself with one hand, and count down the days until she’s three or four months postpartum. But that time, most new-parent couples return to partner regular sex.

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