sad woman holding phone

I’m 36 years old, a mom of 3 kids, a boy 15 years old and twins born in 2017. My sex life makes me feel very sad.

My childhood was horrible. When I was 5 years old, I was sleeping over night at my grandmother’s house. They had a neighbor with 2 sisters a few years older than me, like 9-10 years old. While I was sleeping, one of them ran her hands under my covers and she touched me. I was scared and sweating and crying but didn’t scream or anything that would  wake up my grandma. I was scared to tell my parents.

After that, when I was 13 years old, we had a visit from my dad’s relatives. I remember this very old relative. He sat beside me and without anybody seeing, he touched me between the legs. He was smiling but I felt so stressed and scared I didn’t know what to do. I was thinking maybe it’s my fault.

At 19, I married. My husband was my first lover. Sex with him our first night after our big wedding I thought would be so beautiful and romantic. But he hit me during sex and left me crying. I didn’t know why he did that or what I should do. After 13 years marriage he cheated on me with his cousin and I divorced him. I was shattered and tried to kill myself.

A few years later, in 2015 I remarried. We had amazing sex our first year, but since I got pregnant with twins I haven’t had sexual feelings anymore. I’m very angry and sad. Very often I feel like I must be doing something wrong when I have sex. I’m acting like a I cum with him and I enjoy it but for real I’m not enjoying it and don’t cum. I’m always worried that he’s cheating on me, or taht maybe he don’t want me. I have so much worry in my head and it won’t let me enjoy my sex with him. I fell very unhappy and sad.

I have never ever talked about this with anyone before. Can you help me?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I’m glad you found the strength to discuss your sexual history with me. That’s an excellent start.
    Your situation is complicated and doesn’t lend itself to resolution in a Q&A format. I urge you to consider professional counseling from a psychotherapist, relationship therapist, or sex therapist. You have complex lifelong issues that, in my opinion, require professional therapy. If you do that, I bet you wind up feeling better about yourself, and about sex. To find psychotherapists or relationship therapists near you, I suggest you ask friends, your physician, or a member of the clergy you trust. To find a sex therapist, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, which has members around the world.

    I hope therapy helps you resolve your issues and enjoy great sex.

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