I’m 62 and my wife is 58. We have a big desire difference. She could take sex or leave it, and is satisfied with once every 2 months! My sexual drive on the other side is in high gear with gay and bi fantasies. I masturbate daily and occasionally wear panties and nylons for it—with tons of porn as well. What should I do to satisfy my needs and wild sex desires?
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Usually, for couples with desire difference, I suggest my low-cost e-article, How Sex Therapists Recommend Overcoming Desire Differences. But you have such a large difference along with other issues (gay/bi fantasies, cross-dressing) that I’m not sure the article would guide you to resolve things.
So instead, I urge you to consult a sex therapist. Ideally, your wife would join you, but since she could “take or leave sex,” it’s quite possible that she might decline such an invitation. In that case, I urge you to see a therapist solo. A sex therapist can encourage you to vent your frustrations, help you explore your fantasies, suggest coping strategies for your situation, and possibly ways to get your wife to join you.
If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, the therapist does NOT have sex with you and does NOT watch you have sex. Sex therapy is a form of talk-based psychotherapy with “homework.” It usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-200/hour, though many therapists discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my low-cost article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.
I wish you great sex.