Two beautiful women and man lying on the bed

After 13 years of marriage, my wife came out to me as bisexual. I always had thoughts she might be as I’ve seen her gaze with desire at women for years. I’m actually happy she shared this with me. It’s who she is. She has suggested a threesome with another woman. We went to a strip club and both had lapdances to check it out. My wife really enjoyed it and is pressing to go further. I honestly didn’t enjoy it. I appreciated that she did though. She says she doesn’t want to be with a girl unless I’m there too. Is it unfair for me to say no to that?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I tip my hat that you accept your wife’s bisexuality. Many men would flip out and consider divorce. So you get major husband points for accepting who she is. You also get points for the strip club outing, for supporting your wife as she dipped a toe into the waters of bisexuality.

    But everyone has limits, and it sounds like you’ve reached yours. No one should ever feel pressured to be sexual in ways they find off-putting. If you’d rather not have a MFF threesome, you have every right to say no. It’s not a question of “fairness,” but rather of what you feel comfortable doing.

    Your wife seems to want you present as she plays with women. That shows she still values you and your marriage and wants her bisexuality to bring you closer, not drive you apart. That’s good. The question is: How much do you want to participate in her play with women?

    If you’re uncomfortable with MFF threesomes, is there any way you would feel comfortable jointly taking her bisexuality to the next level? How would you feel about being in the same room as she plays with a woman but not joining in yourself? How would you feel about being home as she plays with a woman in another room? Or on a FaceTime call as she’s with a woman? There are lots of possibilities. The question is: What, if anything, do you feel comfortable with?

    If you can’t imagine any way to “share” her new-found erotic interest, you’re free to say so and decline to participate. Then the issue becomes how you both feel about her playing on the side without your involvement at all.

    You guys have a lot to discuss. You’ve already been a very understanding husband on this issue. If you feel there’s a line you won’t cross, I urge you to define it very specifically, and then stick to your guns.

    I wish you great sex … however it happens.

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