Couple in bed

I am a recovering porn addict, married for 12 years. I have been in active recovery, through 12 step and CSAT, for 6 months. Since recovery, 75% of our sexual relations ends quickly with premature ejaculation. Many sites say that masturbation is the key to unlocking this issue. However, I am dedicated to only having sexual relations with my wife since porn and masturbation caused ED the last 3 years. I am finally losing my sexual selfishness and when I do last, it is the best sex we have ever had. How do I get over the PE without masturbation?

Responses

  • Michael Castleman says:

    Over the past 60 years, sex therapists have developed a very effective cure for premature ejaculation (PE). As you mentioned, it’s based on masturbation exercises. In case you’re interested, I’ve written a low-cost e-booklet that presents a self-help version of the sex therapy program, The Cure for Premature Ejaculation. Like the sex therapy program, my e-booklet also emphasizes masturbation as the key tool in learning to last longer.

    You call yourself a recovering porn addict. Are you aware that most mental health authorities reject this diagnosis? Are you aware that the current edition of bible of mental health conditions, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-V, 2013) published by the American Psychiatric Association, eliminated all previous diagnoses of sex addiction, nymphomania, and similar designations of alleged sexual compulsivity? You say you’ve been seeing a CSAT person. Are you aware that this small group of people are the only folks who still believe that sex/porn addiction is a real diagnosis? The substantial majority of mental health professionals reject the whole idea.

    The real issue with so-called sex addiction is rarely out-of-control sexuality. It’s almost always a sex-negative upbringing that holds that all recreational sex, particularly masturbation, is wrong, a sin, harmful, and a ticket to hell. Actually, masturbation is the foundation of healthy sexuality. That’s why it’s central to therapy for PE and several other sex problems.

    You say that porn and masturbation caused your ED. Chances are your ED was caused by the severe stress you developed from the mistaken belief that masturbation is wrong. Severe stress reduces blood flow to the penis, hence ED. A great deal of research shows that simply viewing porn, simply masturbating to it does NOT cause ED. CSAT therapists and 12-step groups say it does. They are misinformed.

    CSAT therapists are seriously mistaken about sexuality in general. For more on this, I suggest you read the book, The Myth of Sex Addiction by David Ley, and Sex Addiction: A Criotical History by Barry Read. And if you come from a fundamentalist Christian background, I urge you to read Advancing Sexual Health for the Christian Client by Rev. Beverly Dale. For sex therapy from professionals well-informed about the subject, I urge you to consult a sex therapist certified by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. To find one near you, visit assect.org. When you locate a therapist, I urge you and your wife to attend together so you can both recover from the misinformation spread by those who embrace the sex-addiction model, and clue you into the real truth about sexuality. That truth includes the fact that unless masturbation interferes with life responsibilities or partner sex, it’s almost always fine, even if you stroke frequently to porn. And once a real, AASECT-certified sex therapists helps you understand that masturbation causes no harm, then I’m confident you can use it to cure your PE.

    I wish you great sex not polluted by the misinformation spread by those who believe that “sex addiction” is a real problem.

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