My husband prefers to engage in foreplay with sex aids, particularly a larger penis dildo he uses to penetrate me. He becomes extremely aroused by this. However it does tend to become uncomfortable for me as well as painful, as the penis is very large. When I ask that he stop using it, he does without complaint, but will lose his erection completely. We try to resume normal love making but find it difficult for him to get an erection much less maintain one. What are we doing wrong or how can we overcome this?

Responses

  • Michael Castleman says:

    Except for consensual BDSM, lovemaking should never cause pain. My suggestions:
    • Experiment with various lubricants. Apply them to both the dildo and to your vulva/vagina.If you’re unfamiliar with lubes, you might read my low-cost article, Lubricants: The Slippery Secret of Great Sex.
    • Experiment with a slightly smaller dildo. That may feel more comfortable for you while still maintaining his arousal.
    • Ask him to insert it more slowly. That may diminish your discomfort.
    • Ask him to provide more hand massage of your genitals and/or oral sex before he attempts to insert the dildo. As women become sexually aroused, their vaginal lips part and their vaginas relax and open a bit to receive the erection. The more aroused you feel prior to dildo insertion, the more comfortable it’s likely to feel.
    I hope these suggestions help.

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