young woman spanking man

My wife and I have been married for over 35 years and are still sexually active. For the past year or so I have wanted my wife to spank me as a form of foreplay. She has done it a few times but is not real crazy about it. I like her to pretend I have done something to deserve it and then have it be like punishment. I even have talked her into having me put on some of her thong panties and then spank me. Is this totally weird, or a somewhat normal change that can come with age?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    “Normal” has two meanings: commonplace and within the bounds of healthy behavior. Erotic spanking interests somewhere around 5-10% of the adult population so it’s not commonplace. But it’s certainly not rare. And it’s totally within the range of mentally healthy behavior.

    Spanking is a form of BDSM—bondage, discipline, and sado-masochism. Within the limits the players agree on beforehand, there’s nothing wrong with it. Spanking and the role playing you mentioned, “punishment” for a make-believe wrong, are just another way to play. Some people get into early in life, others, like you, later. There’s really no explaining why, any more than one can explain a late-life interest in gardening or woodworking. If you feel it, go for it. Several personality studies have shown that people into BDSM are as mentally healthy and well adjusted as typical “vanilla” people. In Fifty Shades of Grey, the dom, Christian Grey, had a horrendous childhood. The implication is that his early trauma pushed him into BDSM. That can happen, but it’s the exception, not the rule. The vast majority of BDSMers are just like everyone else … except for their interest in kink.

    Which brings us to your wife. It takes two to tango. You say she’s played along with you, but is not too keen on spanking you. Kudos to her for indulging your fantasy. I hope you have been lavish in your praise and appreciation.

    The thing is, it’s harder to be the dom (her) than the sub (you). The couple arranges a “safe” word for the sub’s protection and comfort. Subs clearly state their limits. And then they just relax, let go, and do what they’re told. Doms,on the other hand, must orchestrate things to be interesting and fun and satisfy the sub, while also having fun themselves. Being a dom requires constant decision-making and adjustment, like being a tour guide who’s not sure where to go and how to get there. That’s not easy. Dom behavior (toppping) doesn’t come naturally to many people asked to play that way, which may be part of the reason why your wife has been less than enthusiastic …. so far.

    I suggest you both read my low-cost article, A Loving Introduction to BDSM. The most important element in this type of play is clear, frank discussion of what each player is willing to do/try and then mutual respect of each other’s limits. Sounds like she may need time to become comfortable with what you’re asking of her. Grant her that time. Be patient and nurturing. Ask what you can do for her in return. Start off slowly with light spanking and then over several months increase the intensity to the level you want and she can tolerate—-while constantly checking in about how you both feel.

    Bottom line: Your request is totally within the bounds of safe, sane, acceptable, erotic play. Now what you need to do is take care of your wife’s needs so she can help you with yours. Have fun. Enjoy!

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