I am 41. He’s 56, sexy as heck, and I want him a lot. I feel like my hormones are out of control. Some days  I just want to savagely rip his clothes off and take him. My question: I know I should tell him it bothers me, but how should I approach him. I’m horrible with explaining


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I see two issues: your libido and your sexual frequency. If you want to tell him how much you want him, and you’re reluctant to just say it, I suggest leaving him love notes to the effect of: I want you. No explanations involved, just a simple statement of fact that allows you not to feel bothered that he doesn’t fully appreciate how much you want him. I bet he feels flattered.

    But he may or may not want to follow up on your declarations by having sex with you as much as you want. If he wants to jump into bed every time you want it, there’s no problem. But he may not have as much libido as you do. He’s considerably older than you are, and after around age 50, many men’s libidos wanes. And independent of his age, he simply may not have the libido you do. So you have to negotiate a sexual frequency you can both live with comfortably. To do that, I suggest you read my low-cost e-article How Sex Therapists Recommend Overcoming Desire Differences. It should help. But even with a negotiated sexual frequency, there’s nothing stopping you from leaving him love notes telling him how you fee.

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