My wife does not give my penis any attention. She never holds it, fondles it or plays with it during foreplay. She dislikes me playing with her clit and vagina in foreplay. I told her this is notnormal.. I feel like I need penis attention. Is this normal for her to be this way?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    You’re right about most lovers feeling comfortable caressing each other’s genitals. But it doesn’t matter what anyone else does, or your appeals that “this isn’t normal.” All that matters is what you and your wife feel comfortable with, and it appears she isn’t into that.

    How long have you been married? I’m wondering why you didn’t make an issue of this before you tied the knot. But now that you are married and she’s not into fondling your penis or you caressing her clit, I can understand how frustrated you must feel.

    I doubt that anything I can say can change your situation. Same goes for my articles. My suggestion: consult a sex therapist. Ideally, both you and your wife would attend together. But even though sex therapists don’t take sides and won’t put your wife down for feeling as she does, she may well refuse to go. In that case, I urge you to go by yourself. You can explain things in detail, vent your frustrations, and the therapist may well be able to help you develop some strategies that just might move your lovemaking in the direction you want, and if not, help you cope better with things as they are.

    If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, the therapist does NOT have sex with you and does NOT watch you have sex. Sex therapy is a form of talk-based psychotherapy with “homework.” It usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-200/hour, though many therapists discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my low-cost article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    I wish you the best.

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