BDSM man approaching women who is tied up on bed

Mr. Castleman, I was reading an article you wrote in 2012. In it, you stated that the submissive is in charge of a D/s dynamic. This is a common misconception, and for those of us that live this lifestyle every day, we see it as a way for some to manipulate others. A power exchange is exactly that: an exchange. D/s dynamics are 50/50. The Dominant also has limits which they will not pass, and they also have safe words. Total power exchange relinquishes all control from the submissive to the Dominant, leaving the submissive with no control. This isn’t done with malcontent, but through a rigorous vetting process. I don’t refute that submissive have limits and boundaries, but they are not completely in charge. I am open to any and all questions you may have on the subject.

A submissive


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I stand corrected. Thank you for pointing out my error.

    A huge myth about BDSM and D/s arrangements is that they are abusive, that submissives get beaten and injured. So I’ve tried to counter that by discussing safe words that allow subs to maintain control even as they play submissive.

    In the future, I will point out that doms have limits and safe words, too.

    Thanks again.

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