Sex therapists agree that the most satisfying, most deeply erotic lovemaking involves slow sex—leisurely, playful, massage-inspired, whole-body sensuality. But sometimes there’s no time for it, and some lovers enjoy fast, rip-your-clothes-off satisfying quickies. Sex doesn’t always have to be elaborate. Seven-course banquets are wonderful, but every now and then, fast food hits the spot.
Quickies can be fun, but they’re also fraught with erotic peril, the possibility of leaving one partner (usually the woman), or both, frustrated and unfulfilled. Fortunately, with a little forethought and planning, the perils can be minimized, and the joy of quickies maximized. Here’s how.
The upside of quickies—fast, furious fun—is also their downside. Quickies don’t allow much warm-up time. Warm-up is critical to both sexual arousal and function, which is why the best, most satisfying sex is the leisurely, playful variety.
Arousal is rarely a problem for young men, those under around 40, but it’s a real issue for women of all ages and older men. Young men become aroused quickly and often feel horny much of the time. The situation is very different for young women, who often complain that young men are as hot as fire before they’ve even become interested, let alone sufficiently aroused to enjoy sex. Older women also need time to become aroused, and after 40, so do men. As instant arousal fades into the past, men discover that it takes effort to feel ready for sex. Hence, the old saying: What young men want to do all night takes older men all night to do.
Sexual function is not a problem for the vast majority of young men, who can raise an erection at the drop of a zipper. But it’s a different story for men over 40, whose erections rise more slowly, if at all.
Sexual function is also problematic for women of all ages. It takes time for young women to feel open to genital sex, and this continues throughout life. In addition, as women age, quickies become less comfortable. The reason is vaginal dryness, which becomes common in women over 40.
Finally, for most lovers of all ages, the intensity of orgasm is typically a function of the time spent making love, so don’t expect your best orgasms from quickies.
Checklist for Satisfying Quickies
On the other hand, quickies can still be fun. Here’s how to make the most of them:
- Make them as sensual and playful as time allows. As much as possible, savor kissing, hugging, whole-body massage, and whispered words of endearment as you tear each other’s clothes off. The more sensuality you include, the more satisfying your quickie is likely to be.
- Heat up the anticipation. Start warming up before you get together. If you have to travel to enjoy your brief rendez-vous, call or text beforehand and declare how eager you are to play, and how much your lover excites you. That way, by the time you fall into each other’s arms, you’ve both already begun to feel aroused.
- Value the setting. You may not have much time, but that’s no reason to jettison a sexy ambiance. Arrange your tryst to include music, fragrance (perfume or flowers), tasty little munchies, and perhaps even massage lotion.
- Use a lubricant. Commercial lubricants are necessities for many older couples, who have all the time in the world. They’re even more crucial for quickies, which don’t allow women much time to self-lubricate enough to enjoy intercourse comfortably. Lubes also help men. Applied to the penis, they increase the pleasure of genital touch, which helps older men raise erections.
- Keep a vibrator handy. The faster the sexual pace, the more difficult it is for women to have orgasms. Vibrators come in very handy. Vibrating penis sleeves can do the same for men. For a wide selection of vibes and sleeves, visit a sex toy site, for example, Adam & Eve.
- Orchestrate surprises. Variety is the spice of life. That goes double for lovemaking and triple for quickies. Most couples develop sexual routines that may become ruts. Quickies present opportunities to try new moves. So try some.
- Savor afterglow. Afterwards, as time allows, hold each other, kiss, and whisper words of endearment. If you must part company immediately after, try savoring afterglow by phone, texting, or email.
Those are my ideas, now it’s your turn. What have you done to make your quickies erotically satisfying?