Free Q&A Archive

Please respond:

I am a prevention education specialist for an agency that serves survivors of domestic and sexual violence in Oregon – I am writing because I am deeply concerned with your article/response to a reader of your article on men viewing pornography. My view is coming from a violence prevention standpoint, as well as a professional concerned with the practices and cultural influences of the porn industry and those who consume it.

As a person views pornography for sexual gratification, over time this shapes their desires and ability to become aroused in personal interactions with partners, as well as hinders a persons ability to climax unless they experience/fantasize in the moment about the pornographic material they watch regularly. Much like drug addiction, men who regularly watch porn continue to need “more” and increasingly intense/violent forms of pornography to experience the same satisfaction. Studies show regular watching of pornography also hinders men’s happiness and satisfaction in relationships, and prevents men’s ability to be connected to their partner.

Pornography is not focused on mutual relationships, respect, consent, etc., which are integral to healthy sexual relationships – it is focused on the degradation of women. It normalizes and sexualizes violence against women. It perpetuates unhealthy and dangerous attitudes about gender, including the belief that women are sexual objects to be used by men.

The porn industry and its consumption cause many other harms including the sexualization of children; inability of men to connect meaningfully within relationships; exploitation and abuse of those who are in the porn industry as “actors”; and causes unhealthy understandings and attitudes about sexuality, relationships, and gender roles.

There are numerous documentaries and studies that I recommend watching/reading that may be helpful in further explaining the harms of pornography on those who are exploited by it, as well as those who view it:

http://www.socialcostsofpornography.com/

http://thepriceofpleasure.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_Ytffu1WrI&feature=youtu.be

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125382361

Warning – some of these may contain graphic material.

There are also many others who have studied the ways in which watching porn change beliefs, attitudes, brain chemistry etc.

My husband had cancer as a child and is now on medication to help his bladder. He is not very interested in sex and does it mostly to keep me happy, but a lot of the time he can’t keep his erection. I know that there is medication out there that can help but will it affect his bladder medications? I hope you can help. He is 36 and I am 42. Please help us. Thank you for reading this.

Hi Michael! I red your article about physiology behind vagina feeling too loose or too tight. My question is if using tampons influences the way vagina is. I feel that not using tampons makes it tighter, or is it just a feeling? As well as not having sex for a while. Is that true or just a feeling?

I am still interested in sex; however I do not have a partner. Is there a group in the Bay Area, preferably in the East Bay, that meets to talk about sex and engage in it IF people feel mutually attracted and consenting?

My wife loves to have a vibrator in her ass but won’t let me to enter her there. I would love to try it with her. How do I convince her to allow this?

I am 43 yrs old and married to a woman 42 yrs old. She has never had sex with any other so how can we have good sex with each other? And I wonder about my penis. I love her so much and want give her good sex.

After my second child, I was not  sexually active. My child is now 2 yrs old. I returned to sex using Depo-Provera for contraception, the shot every three months.  Two months ago I started having my period,  which I don’t understand. What’s happening with me?

I am a 44-year-old man, in very good health—I play sports, cycle, and lift weights twice a week.

I’ve always had a good libido but over the last 3 months it has faded, and recently I have struggled to maintain an erection during intercourse. We still have sex but less often. I still find my partner attractive.

My job is not stressful and I still have a lot of energy. My whole life (since a child) I have woken at night to use the toilet as my bladder is small. When I wake it would always be with an erection but recently y penis is now nearly always flaccid.

I am confused as originally I thought it was possibly psychological but now with me waking without erections I’m thinking physical, but I still get erections although sometimes unsatisfactorily.

Thanks in advance for your help.

I am 30 and my boyfriend is 42. Our intercourse has started to decline over the last few months to the point where he can’t seem to stay firm. He has a real issue staying firm if I am on top. It is starting to cause some serious issues in our relationship. He tends to do better when he is behind me but that makes me feel distance between us. He claims to be under a lot of stress at work. He never wants to have sex at night, only in the mornings and usually only on weekends. I am beyond frustrated. I have tried to talk to him and he clams up. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I’m a 37-year-old man diagnosed with high blood pressure a year ago. I take Amocal (amlodipine bp, 5 mg). My problem is that when my wife and I want to have sex, sometimes, not always, my penis does not become erect. Other times it does. I’ve never had this problem before.  I have not discussed it with my doctor.What should I do? Is it psychological or physical? Please advise.