Hi. I am 25 years old and have a lover who is 40 and has ED. I find it hard to satisfy him in bed. I am not sure how to handle it. Any advice? Please help me.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    You CAN satisfy him. But before I discuss how, 40 is young to develop ED. He might not have ED. He might have the pre-ED condition called erection dissatisfaction, iffy erections that still rise but not as easily as previously and aren’t as firm, and wilt easily. For more on this, read my low-cost article, Weak Erections.

    If he has ED, it’s possible to develop it at 40 if he’s diabetic, or alcoholic, or a long-time smoker, or has heart disease or high blood pressure, or if he uses narcotic pain relievers, or some combination of these risk factors. I suggest that he consult his physician about treating any of these possibilities. I’d also urge him to exercise daily, maintain recommended weight, and not drink alcohol within a few hours of making love. For more, read my low-cost article on the Causes of ED. You might also be interested in my low-cost articles on ED Treatment and .

    What to do: If a man can’t raise an erection sufficiently firm for intercourse, there are still many marvelous, satisfying ways to make love—genital hand massage, oral sex, and toys. It may seem odd to make love without intercourse, but millions of older couples do it that way. Older men develop erection issues (either balking erections or ED), and older women often develop vaginal dryness that makes sex uncomfortable even with lots of lube. So they evolve their lovemaking away from penis-vagina intercourse and toward other sexual pleasures that don’t require erection or insertion. For more, read my low-cost articles, Great Sex Without Intercourse, Oral Sex Enhancement, Whole-Body Massage, and Introducing Sex Toys into Partner Sex. Or you might get all the articles I’ve mentioned—and 100 more—by purchasing my low-cost e-book.

    Please let me know if these suggestions help, and if you’d like more advice, please tell me more about his health and ED risk factor status, and how you like to make love.

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