My wife does not like sex toys and won’t use them. What can I do?
Some people just don’t enjoy sex toys. That’s their right. No one should feel forced or pressured to do anything sexual they don’t want to do, so if your wife doesn’t like sex toys, well, that’s how she feels and I urge you to respect that.
On the other hand, I feel for you and sympathize with your frustration. Sex toys add variety, spice, fun, and new types of stimulation to sex, so it’s often very difficult for people who like them to understand how anyone could NOT like them. But you say your wife doesn’t. Bummer, dude.
What can you do about this? Your brief question did not delve into WHY she has this aversion. If she can articulate her reason(s), then you might be able to work around them. I suggest you read the articles Introducing Sex Toys Into Partner Sex and Vibrators: Myths Vs. Truth. But many people who don’t want to use toys simply say, “I just don’t like them, period.” End of story.
In that case, you might approach sex toys obliquely by adding other enhancements to your lovemaking. Do you light candles? Play music? Use lubricant? These are not “sex toys” but they are enhancements that, like toys, add spice and fun. This is especially the case for lubricants, which immediately make sex more comfortable and more enjoyable. For more on lubricants, read the article on them. If you light candles, play music, and use a lube, those additions should make sex more enjoyable—even if you and your wife never use toys. But if she enjoys candles, music, and lube, it’s just a short step from there to trying toys.
Of course, she might embrace candles, music, and lube and still refuse to use toys. As I mentioned, that’s her right and you should respect that. But when people enjoy SOME sexual enhancements, they often become more open to others…. Good luck.
Michael, I agree with your reply to a point, As you stated, it is her choice and one must respect that, but maybe she would be
more open to toys if a woman who likes them has a long talk with her and points out that almost all women admit that have tried them and two-thirds say they enjoy them but felt it might
make them look bad in the eyes of other women. Also there are the many types of machines (fucking machines) that perform sexual intercourse. As an older man, I haven’t meet an older women who did not like one of them, the Monkey Rider. I think it’s cool and very efficient. Remember, the average man is only good for 3 to 5 minutes in the saddle, not enough time for the average woman to reach her peak. Also a lot of women say that having their husband or boyfriend watch or help them while they use the Monkey Rider makes the experience more enjoyable for HER.
Aside from the verbal exchange needed – perhaps the question here is how the topic is broached. Is the intention to use the toys on your wife? If so then there is a good chance that she is feeling ‘untouchable’ and basically less attractive if being nudged towards toys. If the intention is to use them on her, it will not work – it’s her body and she needs to know what works for her. Push it and the result will be ‘pushing the wrong button’.
Many women do not like vibration!
Many women prefer gentler and less intense contact.
Why is this a big deal for you?
Nothing but raw and honest communication will do any good at all.
I’ve had the reverse situation when I was a younger man. A girl whom I started being sexually active with, one day brought over a large dildo and went to use it as a prelude to sex. I was alarmed and insulted. I’m not sure why; maybe it was a symbol that she didn’t think my own penis was good enough, or that it made her look too promiscuous or it was somehow inappropriately obscene or sexually unconnected to me; I’m not sure.
That was many years ago and my sexual knowledge has hugely increased since then. As someone above pointed out, a majority of women have used them or own one and they’re common — even for men now, too. But I think the question from the poster here is not that he doesn’t “respect” the woman’s “right” to not like sex toys, but how he can turn her on to them and bring her into a new realm of sexual enjoyment that he wants to have with her. She might see them as I saw them many years ago — too obscene, causing an inappropriate disconnection from partnered sex, or that people who use them have something wrong with them. Does she like oral sex? If so, she might tolerate trying a sex toy for that purpose (stimulating her clitoris and vagina with it) if her partner offers to use it on her. Or she might accept it as a personal sexual ‘practice device’ ahead of sex with her partner. It would be important to find out WHY she has rejected toys — is she sexually inhibited in general? I kind of get the feeling she might be. With that said, the vibrating kind have always mystified me: I don’t see how such a rapid vibration could be sexually stimulating or satisfying. But many or most dildos are manual. The original post was some time ago; it would be good to find out what happened in that relationship.
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