couple outdoors

What should I do with a man who doesn’t want to be touched? I am 35 and in a very good relationship with a older man going on 58. He has weight issues. He currently doesn’t like himself very much, so he can’t get it up. I understand that, but I would still like to touch him to show I am still very attracted to him! But he has asked me not to touch him sexually. I desperately want to touch him. I love him and I want to touch him in intimate places even if it is just a little squeeze every now and then. Should I go ahead and touch him? Or do as he has asked and let him try and lose some pounds…?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I sympathize with your plight. Touch is very important to human intimacy and happiness. It’s an essential nutrient delivered through the skin. But like your guy, some men recoil from it for a variety of reasons.

    You say his weight issues are the reason he can’t get it up. That’s possible, but there may be other reasons and he may be able to recover his erections with medication. I suggest he consult his doctor or a urologist for a workup to see what’s going on with him.

    Beyond that, I urge you to consult a sex therapist, ideally as a couple, but if he won’t go, then by yourself. A sex therapist may be able to help him understand the importance of mutual gentle erotic touch whether or not you have intercourse. If he won’t join you and you go by yourself, the therapist may still be able to suggest coping strategies for you.

    If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, the therapist does NOT have sex with you and does NOT watch you have sex. Sex therapy is a form of talk-based psychotherapy with “homework.” It usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-250/hour, though some therapists charge more and many discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my low-cost article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    I wish you great sex.

Leave a Response

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.