I’m 48 and in the past year have noticed that it is becoming increasingly harder to orgasm and cum. I usually can make this happen on my own through masturbation but this has too become increasingly harder to do. When I do cum it is usually in small amounts and without a lot of force. 48 is way too young to be dealing with this issue especially for someone that has always enjoyed sex to its fullest.
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You have men’s secret sex problem, the one that’s surprisingly common but gets no publicity so few men know about it. The good news is that the large majority of men in your situation can return to easier ejaculation/orgasm. There are a surprisingly large number of factors that can contribute to ejaculation difficulties: masturbation style, aging, alcohol, depression, antidepressants, emotional stress, favoring your lover’s pleasure over your own, and side effects from a very large number of common drugs. For details, I suggest you read the Info Library article Can’t Get There?: Ejaculation and Orgasm Problems. It may be all you need. If the article doesn’t provide sufficient relief, sex therapy usually helps. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, read An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy. To find a therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology. I’m confident that you can improve things.
Plenty of guys 45 and older experience difficulty with orgasm and ejaculation, says Dr. Louanne Weston, a sex therapist. One study found the problem affects as many as 16 percent of men in their early 60s, 23 percent of men ages 65 to 74, and 33 percent of men 75 and older.
The good news is that these difficulties can usually be resolved. The first step is to understand what’s behind the issue. The likely culprits include:
Aging. “As men age, they notice that their penis needs more stimulation to trigger ejaculation,” says sex therapist Dr. Dennis Sugrue. “This is normal, but often disconcerting.” Aging also weakens the pelvic floor muscles, whose contractions trigger an ejaculation. When these muscles weaken, semen dribbles out and orgasms may provide little pleasure.
Medical conditions. Neurological conditions (diabetes, paraplegia, multiple sclerosis) might damage the nerves that control orgasm. Surgery for benign prostate enlargement has no effect on orgasm, but it eliminates ejaculation.
Drugs. Antidepressants are notorious for impairing sexual performance. Alcohol is most associated with erectile dysfunction, but in some men, it causes orgasm problems. Other drugs may also contribute, such as pain relievers (Aleve, Naprosyn), anti-anxiety (Xanax, Valium), and numerous blood pressure and psychiatric medications, among others.
Stress. Sex therapists say that several emotional stressors may be associated with the problem: anger at one’s lover, fear of pregnancy or sexual infections, or fundamentalist upbringing. “I’ve seen ejaculatory problems linked to strict Catholic, Protestant and Jewish upbringing,” Weston says. “It’s not the religion. It’s the fundamentalism.”
“Delivery boy” attitude. Lovemaking involves giving and receiving pleasure, but some men believe their only job is to give it. “When a man pays too much attention to his partner’s experience and not enough to his own, he loses erotic focus, which can interfere with orgasm and ejaculation,” says sex therapist Dr. Marty Klein.