My partner recently turned 65. I am 52. Around six months ago, he turned off to sex. He has ED, and says he can no longer experience any arousal. He is not attracted to me sexually. We have had a very difficult time because I want be physically intimate with him and find ways to arouse him. He is very hesitant to do anything but kiss. No deeper intimacy. I want to make an appointment with a sex therapist but he is not inclined to do this. Do you have any suggestions for me? I love him and feel very sexually attracted to him. I don’t need sex but feel desperate for intimacy.
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I’m so sorry you’re wrestling with these challenging issues. The combination of erection problems and arousal difficulties are a one-two punch that leaves some men feeling as your partner does.
You might begin by perusing the Info Library on this site for e-articles that relate to your situation. Given his ED, I would suggest Great Sex Without Intercourse. Some others may interest you as well. All my resources carry a money-back guarantee through PayPal so they’re risk-free.
But your issues aren’t just “sexual.” They include a loss of the conversations and emotional sharing that produce intimacy. So self-help may not prove effective. You mention that you pitched him on consulting a sex therapist, but that he declined. I urge you to see a sex therapist by yourself. I know that’s sub-optimal. It would be much better if he accompanied you. However, a sex therapist can encourage you to vent, explore your relationship, identify possible ways to get through to him, suggest coping strategies for you and perhaps ways to persuade him to join you in therapy. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.
In addition, I suggest you see the film “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones (available from Amazon). He plays an older man who has withdrawn from sex. She plays is long-suffering wife who wants an intimate relationship. They wind up in sex therapy. It’s a sweet romantic comedy I’m confident will resonate for you, and it just might help persuade him to join you in sex therapy.
I wish you renewed sex.