depressed man standing in the window

I’m wondering if you could provide any suggestions to help a 57-year-old male break his addiction to porn? For the last 10 to 12 years, our sex life has went from 3 to 4 times a year (not by choice) to no sex of any kind (except self) for the last 4 years. This has lead to the heavy use of porn to enhance my self satisfaction. Help please!


  • Michael Castleman says:

    If you’re in a sexless marriage and it’s not by choice, and you use pornography to cope, I personally don’t see the harm. In fact, I tip my hat to you for creative coping. It’s very difficult for a man with a libido to live in a sexless marriage. Viewing porn, even frequently, sounds to me like a rational response.

    To me, the real issue is your sexless marriage. I suggest you and your wife consult a sex therapist to explore this and see if you can mutually agree to changes that re-introduce at least some sensuality back into your marriage. I hasten to add that no sex therapist is going to tell your wife to have sex if she doesn’t want to, nor tell you to stop wanting sex. A sex therapist will provide marriage counseling that explores who you both are, your sexual histories (premarital and marital), why sex dropped out of the picture, and any resentments that you’ve been carrying because of that. The therapist will also help the two of you negotiate your current situation and help you make changes that are acceptable to both of you. If you’d also like to discuss your use of porn, the sex therapist can do that, too. But I don’t know what’s going on with you guys, so I can’t suggest any quick solution. Studies show that 2/3 of couples who consult sex therapists report significant benefit. I bet a sex therapist could help you.

    To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

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