My wife and I waited to have sex until we got married. I am 26 and married 3 weeks but can’t get a full boner for some reason.  Maybe it’s because I have been doing a lot of wanking to porn in the last year!!!!!!…. And now I can’t get it up for my wife. I really love her and am very attracted to her. Maybe it’s fear of having sex. Or too much porn fucked me up…. PS Cialias doesn’t work for me.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    No, it’s not fear of sex. And no, it has nothing to do with porn destroying your sexuality. Sex therapists would call it “performance anxiety.” I call it transition anxiety.

    Here’s the deal. Over the years, you’ve had a great deal of solo sex. But you haven’t experienced regular partner sex until you married three weeks ago. The transition is not automatic.

    Masturbation and partner lovemaking are both “sex,” but they’re very different. In masturbation, the only person you have to please is yourself, and that’s pretty easy. You get immediate kinaesthetic feedback as you touch yourself. Masturbation is mostly about fantasy.

    But in partner lovemaking, two are doing the tango, and it’s an intricate dance that takes time and practice to enjoy. You say you waited until you married to become sexual with your wife. I respect your decision, but it comes with a downside. The two of you don’t really know each other well in the realm of sex. Most couples have sex before marriage, today around 90 percent, as I recall. So they’re reasonably familiar with partner sex with one another by the wedding night. But on their wedding night, couples who abstain before marriage cuddle up with an erotic stranger. That’s very stressful. And if things don’t go like a fairly tale, one or both may feel they’ve “failed” and that just might raise issues about the marriage. That kind of stress is what can lead to ED in a young man like yourself.

    What to do. First of all, dismiss from your mind any notion that there’s anything wrong with you or your wife. We all have our emotional issues, but the purpose of life is to reproduce life, so the vast majority of humans can have sex successfully. The problem is not with you guys. It’s about how you make love.

    If masturbation is all about fantasy, partner lovemaking is all about kissing, cuddling, and gentle, playful, whole-body mutual massage that eventually becomes genital play. Space does not allow me to elaborate, but my e-book contains 118 articles on all aspects of partner sex for only $29.95, 2.5 cents an article. I bet that if you and your wife embrace what’s in there, after a few months of practice, you and your wife will work just fine and you’ll discover great enjoyment in the erotic side of life.

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