Free Q&A Archive

I’m 48 and my girlfriend is 54…. I have a high sex drive and she’s going through menopause. She pretty much has taken sex off the menu. So where does that leave me? We have talked about it, and she is over it. What to do? Every time I make advances, she rejects me. I love her. What should I do? Just straight jerk off in front of her or what? She used to be so sexual. Now nothing! HELP!!!

I was fingering my girlfriend when we were getting frisky, but before that I had touched my penis. I had not ejaculated, but did have a little bit of pre-cum, but I had peed before that. Before I fingered her, I had slightly rinsed my fingers with only water. Is there any chance my girlfriend could get pregnant from my fingering her?

As a child I was humping things for as long as I can remember. Not sure if it started when I was three, or if I was two.

I used to lay on my tummy and hump my teddy, or my pillow, or my hands, usually at bedtime or naptime or when waking up. Sometimes I did this in front of family members in the living room, or in front of others in their living rooms. It was never a big deal really, just something I did that everyone around me ignored.

But then, when I was five, I humped my hands a few times at school during naptimes. Eventually, the teacher spoke to my mom about it. And I remember feeling very bad, frustrated, confused and extremely embarrassed after my mom had to then speak to me about it.

She never told me that what I was doing was wrong, only that I should only do it at home, or better yet, only in my bedroom at home, but definitely not at school. But nevertheless, going forward, my humping thing became a source of inner shame to me and a deep secret. I vowed to never let anyone see me rubbing, or playing with myself down there again. And I started living in fear of getting caught in the act.

It wasn’t until I was ten or eleven that I had stumbled upon the knowledge of masturbation as a normal and healthy thing.

While that knowledge did bring me some relief, it didn’t replace the inner embarrassment that I had about it. I vowed that I would never let anyone know that I masturbate.

So, I’m sixteen now, and my best friend, who also is my study partner in school, asked me how often I masturbated. She caught me off guard, but because of my past shame and embarrassment about masturbation, I answered that I didn’t do that and that I thought masturbation was gross.

She was surprised and exclaimed “What?!?! Everybody masturbates! How is it you don’t?” Then she told me that she doesn’t really know what her family thinks about it but that she is afraid that they think it’s bad. And she shares a room with her twelve year old sister, and so doesn’t get much of an opportunity to masturbate. Then she asked me if I ever even tried it and how I manage to not do it since she needs some way to manage to not do it with her sharing a room. I lied again and said that I’ve never tried and probably don’t know what I am missing. She told me I was lucky to have my own bedroom, and joked that maybe it should be me having to share rooms with her sister.

But now I am wondering if I should come clean and fess up to her and tell her that I don’t think masturbation is gross or disgusting, just that it is something I always felt embarrassed about so I lied.

I mean if her family thinks it’s bad, and if she even thinks her best friend thinks of it as gross, how is she going to feel in the future? Should I tell her that what I said I didn’t mean?

Wow, I have never thought about this before, but I am glad I don’t share a bedroom. How do other people who share rooms with their siblings masturbate? I am glad I am not in her shoes.

I wish there was a way for me to make it easier on my friend. Would it be weird if I were to tell her that when she comes to my place for school study sessions that if she wanted to spend some of her time masturbating, I would give her privacy and not judge her? Would it also be weird to suggest she can come over sometimes for a sleepover to get away from her sister and have a safe place once in a while to masturbate?

I also have one last question. A few years ago when I was at the park, there was this boy, looked around 4 years old, walking around a picnic table for several minutes squeezing and holding his left hand on his penis with his right hand wrapped around his left hand just underneath the wrist. He just stood in place doing that or walking around the picnic table area while his family was eating. Was he masturbating? I would like to think he was, it would mean that I wasn’t the only person to masturbate in front of others as a child.

You really seem to know what your talking about in your article about possible reasons for looseness of a women’s vagina. I’m not a very secure person to begin with. I admit that. But here is my situation. I’m begging for some kind of advice on the matter before I throw away the last 11 years of my life. I have been with the same girl for over 11 years now. When we got together she had one of the tightest vaginas I have ever come across in my life—granted I haven’t come across to many but enough to know she was tight. No matter how long the foreplay lasted, and no matter how wet she got. She was always tight. We’ve had two children together and after our second child her vagina snapped right back into shape and she was tight again like she never had a baby. But recently, I’ve noticed that when we have intercourse her vagina is, how do I put this in the best way…blown right out. It’s like throwing a hotdog down a hallway. I don’t feel her and she acts like she’s just not into it and she still feels loose. I also have to tell you they we just entered out 30s. I know age plays a roll but we don’t have sex very often at all anymore. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year so how could she feel so loose if it isn’t even being used is my question. I really need to your advice.

I am 22 years old and a virgin. My period got over yesterday. I did some sex exercises for the first time today and bled after the intimate exercises (which wasn’t sex). Why did this happen?

I am a male in my 60s and have enjoyed playing in the alternative/fetish arena for many years both with partners, and with professional ladies, pro-doms, who cater to my particular interest which is latex/rubber fetishism. What has always been of interest to me is the huge number of videos showing fetish play involving latex clothing or hoods or bondage bags, often in the context of heavy bondage and apparatus. What I find curious is that most of these videos seem to involve women-on-women interactions. A lot fewer show men with women. Also, the women usually are the dominant partner in BDSM scenes with the man being the submissive. Maybe I see it this way because I obviously search for my own areas of interest and thus find more material! Also a lot of videos involving BDSM and latex seem to come from Germany, with America and the UK also providing a goodly proportion.  Japan seems to be the one Asian country heavily into kinky play, producing videos similar to European and American fetish scenes. What seems to be the contradiction is that latex/rubber fetishism is mainly a male interest. In my experience I have not met any woman with a real interest in this fetish, though I have corresponded with a few over the years. Fetishism in general seems to be mainly a male arena. All the latex fetish videos of women interacting with women appears in conflict with reality – ie, women tend not to be very fetishistic. So I wonder why there are so many? The amount would seem to suggest women are heavily into latex, and like interacting with other women! A further point is there is a goodly amount of companies that produce latex clothing which is mainly focused on female attire – men getting far less choice. Of course this reflects the ‘normal’ clothing arena, women being generally more interested in clothing than men. Perhaps women who buy latex clothing are catering for their male partners interest? Anyway, I would be interested in your perspective on this. Perhaps there are more females enjoying wearing and playing in latex than I am aware of…

My husband and I have always had an active sex life. Then a few months ago, I noticed he didn’t really show much interest in fucking anymore. He made excuses like he’s tired or stressed, and even said he just doesn’t think about sex much anymore. Then I discovered he was watching porn regularly. This is not a big issue as we have always enjoyed porn together. I asked him how often and he told me 2 or 3 times a week. In actuality it was 5 to 8 times a day. If he did actually try to have sex, he could not really get a full erection. Then I caught him hugging a younger woman at work and was told by his friend that they are always talking and hugging. I don’t think he cheated or even that he would cheat. But this girl has the same body type and looks as the repeat searches in his porn history. Now I can’t seem to stop hating myself. I don’t look like these women. I’m not ugly. I feel unattractive but definitely not unfuckable if you’ll pardon the word. But I feel like I can never be what he wants. Literally. Even with surgery or diet or meds, I could never be like these women he prefers to see naked. Whenever I see a woman with those attributes, I hate myself. Of course my husband says I’m being silly. He wears he’s attracted to me. But still no full erection or even a quarter of the attention I used to get. If he flirts or makes a sexy comment to me I feel like he is forcing it. It feels fake. I feel like my life as I knew it is gone. I hate myself and my husband thinks I’m going nuts because after 15 years I suddenly let porn bother me. It truly never has. We have been swingers in the past. I’m not that person anymore. But I feel like we have lost something in our relationship. Any hope? Or should I just accept that he doesn’t get aroused by me anymore?

I have been having issues with my husband and porn. Your article has helped me understand some of his point of view. He actually became addicted to porn over the years and hid it from me even though I didn’t have a HUGE problem with it. (I wasn’t happy about it, but it wasn’t an end-all situation.) However he became emotionally and sexually attracted to my sister, and began fantasizing about her using her pictures for self pleasure and then imagined I was her when we were intimate. They worked together and spent all work day and many work nights virtually with each other. His therapist is telling him it’s normal to fantasize about coworkers etc… however I told my husband a decade ago that if he ever masturbated to her, we were through. So am I being ridiculous? Should I be insulted? I feel violated (I am a multiple rape survivor) if you have time please advise? 🙁

I love playing with my butthole. My wife does not. I have a butt plug, which she doesn’t know about. I want to explore anal play further. I also think about being penetrated by a man. Is this ok?

Is it common for a man to experience pain during sex because of the woman’s pubic hair? My girlfriend is currently trying to laser her pubic hair away permanently but this is a long process. Sex can be painful to the point where we cannot continue. The cause is my girlfriends sharp pubic hair which seems to be almost on the inside of the lips and feels like sandpaper. When she shaves it, it feels very sharp and is only marginally better when left to grow a bit. Is this a common issue as I’m feeling alone on this as I cannot find anyone else talking about this issue in forums etc.? And is there anything that can be done or do we just need to wait for the laser to take effect. When we have tried Condoms, it feels slightly less sharp but then I can’t feel much on the pleasure side so this is not a solution either. Please help!