You really seem to know what your talking about in your article about possible reasons for looseness of a women’s vagina. I’m not a very secure person to begin with. I admit that. But here is my situation. I’m begging for some kind of advice on the matter before I throw away the last 11 years of my life. I have been with the same girl for over 11 years now. When we got together she had one of the tightest vaginas I have ever come across in my life—granted I haven’t come across to many but enough to know she was tight. No matter how long the foreplay lasted, and no matter how wet she got. She was always tight. We’ve had two children together and after our second child her vagina snapped right back into shape and she was tight again like she never had a baby. But recently, I’ve noticed that when we have intercourse her vagina is, how do I put this in the best way…blown right out. It’s like throwing a hotdog down a hallway. I don’t feel her and she acts like she’s just not into it and she still feels loose. I also have to tell you they we just entered out 30s. I know age plays a roll but we don’t have sex very often at all anymore. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year so how could she feel so loose if it isn’t even being used is my question. I really need to your advice.
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Some women who give birth several times within a few years experience permanent vaginal stretching and looseness. But you say that after your second child’s birth, your partner became tight again. I’m not a doctor, but I’m guessing that the reason she feels loose is weak pelvic floor muscles.
Imagine a hand towel stuffed into a sock held tightly between two hands. Towel is the musculature of the inner vaginal wall. The sock is the perimeter of the vagina. The hands are the pelvic floor muscles that run between the legs and hold the vagina in place. Serial births loosen the vagina by stretching the towel. But the vagina can also feel loose if the pelvic floor muscles (the two hands) relax their grip. This typically happens with age or lack of exercising them. When looseness is caused by poor pelvic muscle tone, the vaginal musculature may be the same as always, but if it’s not held well by the pelvic muscles, she may feel loose.
I suggest your partner consult her doctor or gynecologist and ask for a workup of her pelvic muscle tone. Assuming those muscles are not well toned, i.e. not strong, they can be strengthened with Kegel exercises. To learn more about Kegels, either search the Internet, or read my low-cost e-article on the subject. Kegels are simple, easy, and private. It takes a few months of daily Kegels to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and for you to feel any difference.
Regarding your sexual frequency, If you’d like to make love more than a few times a year, I suggest the two of you consult a sex therapist. A sex therapist can also help with Kegel exercises. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, the therapist does NOT have sex with you and does NOT watch you have sex. Sex therapy is a form of talk-based psychotherapy with “homework.” It usually takes four to six months of weekly one-hour sessions. It costs $150-250/hour, though some therapists charge more and many discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my low-cost article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology. If your partner won’t accompany you, I urge you to go by yourself. That’s suboptimal, of course, but the therapist may still be able to offer helpful suggestions.
I wish you great sex.