How can I loosen my vagina? It’s too tight and when he puts it in, it hurts.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Imagine a hand towel stuffed inside a thick sock. The sock is the vagina. The towel is the folded muscle tissue of the vaginal wall.

    The vagina’s tightly folded muscle tissue is very elastic. Like an accordion, it can open and close. This tissue has to be very elastic so it can stretch to allow a baby to pass through. But when the vagina is at rest—all the time except during sexual arousal and childbirth—its muscle tissue remains tightly folded like a closed accordion. Anxiety makes the vaginal musculature clench even tighter. That’s why young girls sometimes have problems inserting tampons. Their vaginal muscle tissue is tight and contracted to begin with, and many girls feel anxious about touching themselves and inserting anything, so the muscles contract even tighter.

    As women become sexually aroused, vaginal muscle tissue relaxes somewhat. Biologically, this makes perfect sense. Evolution is all about facilitating reproduction. A tight vagina would impede intercourse and reproduction, so women evolved to have sexual arousal relax the vaginal muscles, allowing easier insertion of erections—and greater chance of pregnancy.

    However, arousal-related vaginal loosening does NOT produce a big open cavity like the inside of an empty sock. Rather, the vaginal interior changes from resembling a tight fist to a fist loose enough to insert a finger or two.

    If the vagina feels “too tight” during lovemaking, the woman is (1) not interested in sex, (2) anxious about it, or (3) she has not had enough warm-up time to allow her vaginal musculature to relax enough for comfortable insertion.

    A man who attempts intercourse before the woman is fully aroused—that is, before her vagina has relaxed and become well lubricated—is either sexually unsophisticated or a boor. Most women require at least 30 minutes of sensuality—kissing, hugging, and mutual massage—for their vaginas to relax enough to allow the penis to slide in comfortably. That’s why leisurely, playful, whole-body lovemaking is key to sexual satisfaction. It gives women (and men) the warm-up time they need. In addition, it also allows the vagina to relax, and, in most women, produce enough natural lubrication for comfortable intercourse. In other words, the solution to vaginal tightness is extended foreplay before attempts at intercourse. It you need more lubrication, try a commercial lubricant. You might also be interested in the Info Library article Orgasms During Intercourse – Improving Women’s Chances.

    One final note: If a woman experiences pain and/or great difficulty inserting a tampon or accepting an erection, the cause may be vaginismus, unusual clenching of the vaginal muscles. For suspected vaginismus, consult a physician.

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