I am a women of 67 years of age. I seem to be easily aroused but don’t open up enough to receive the penis. I have been to doctors who have prescribe estrogen inserts which did not help. I have used the KY lubricants and other brands. Nothing seems to be working and I am afraid it is going to cause a problem with our relationship although he says it wont. Please help.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Have you seen a gynecologist? If not, start there. You might have vaginismus, chronic contraction of the vaginal muscles that can make intercourse difficult or impossible. Vaginismus is quite curable. One thing that helps is muscle relaxation. Biofeedback is often very effective good for this. Another is insertion of graduated rods to coax the muscles in spasm to relax.

    Even if you don’t get diagnosed with vaginismus, a self-administered program of graduated dildos might help. Our sex toy affiliate, Adam & Eve, offers dildos in many sizes.

    It’s also possible that, for whatever reason, intercourse just doesn’t work for you anymore. Then you face a choice. You can define “sex” as intercourse, and believe that if intercourse is not possible, that’s the end of sex. Or you can embrace a broader definition of lovemaking that includes whole-body massage, endless kissing, well-lubricated handjobs, and oral sex. In this scenario, an inability to have intercourse is sad and takes some getting used to, but there are still many marvelous ways to make love and enjoy erotic intimacy.

    Your lover says he has no real problem with your situation, but you don’t seem to believe him. I urge you to believe him. You’re not the only one with age-related sexual issues. Men have them too. Intercourse becomes difficult or impossible for many (most?) men over 60. Maybe he’s ready to bid farewell to intercourse, and focus on the other ways to make love.

    Finally, you say you’ve used several brands of lubricant and nothing helps. Most pharmacies stock only a few water-based brands. There are other lubricants. You can learn more by reading Lubricants: The Slippery Secret to Great Sex, Especially After 40.

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