Mature Couple Having Arguement At Home

I am 44 years old. My lover accuses me of having sex with other men because my vagina is sometimes loose. But really I am not sleeping with anyone else. How can I make him believe me? I can not explain why my vagina is loose sometimes. And it’s just sometimes, not all the time, sometimes it’s tight. Maybe you can explain this? Thank you very much.



  • Michael Castleman says:

    You raise two issues: (1) vaginal physiology, and (2) your man’s doubts about your faithfulness.

    About vaginal physiology: The vagina is composed of folded muscle tissue, somewhat like a closed fist. Two things cause this tissue to relax and open up like an unclenched fist. The major one is childbirth. As a full-term baby passes through the birth canal, the vagina opens remarkably. Of course, that only happens, at most, a few times in the typical contemporary woman’s life, and if she’s childless, not at all. The other activity that causes the vagina to relax and open is lovemaking. With tender, gentle, loving whole-body and genital caresses, vaginal tissues relaxes somewhat. This confers an evolutionary advantage. A somewhat relaxed vagina makes entry easier for an erection, which means that women have more chance of having children and passing their genes to the next generation.

    You say your vagina is sometimes loose and sometimes tight. I’m guessing that this has to do with the amount of time the two of you spend having sex. The longer you spend making love, the more time your vagina has to relax and feel “loose.” If you have quickie sex, it doesn’t have the time to relax and open up, so it feels tight.

    But after sex, the vagina returns to its non-aroused, clenched-fist tightness pretty quickly. Some men believe that if a woman has lots of sex with one man or sex with several men that her vagina becomes persistently enlarged and loose. After childbirth, it can take a while for the vagina to return to its normal state, but after sex, this happens pretty quickly. Any “looseness” your lover detects relates to HIS sex with you, not other men’s. If you want to be tighter for him, shorten the foreplay and hasten intercourse.

    About your lover’s doubts about your faithfulness: First, I urge you to show him my explanation of vaginal physiology above. If he understands that the vagina relaxes somewhat during extended lovemaking and returns to normal tightness shortly afterward, his doubts might be resolved. But if not, then I’d guess he’s a suspicious, jealous guy. In that case, you might want to try couple counseling to get to the bottom of why he feels so suspicious of you. Good luck.

  • Carson says:

    After a while vaginas can lose elasticity, causing them to be looser with a diminished sensitivity. If this is left untreated, sex may become much less pleasurable, leading to intimacy problems with you as well as your partner.

    There are various known techniques to tighten up your vagina, determining the best one for you is an important step to regaining intimacy and enjoyable sex.

    The very first is the most common vaginal tightening techniques and that’s Kegel work outs. These exercises are designed in order to tone your pelvic muscles which often can help to tighten your vaginal walls.

    Here’s a link to a website with more information regarding loose vagina and solutions as well articles about solving painful sex and dry vagina syndrome.

  • samantha says:

    That’s an alternative view. Sexual excitement causing vaginal relaxation. How many women (or their partners) believe that a loose vagina is affecting their sex lives?

    I’ve heard of a case where a young woman was told just she wasn’t very sexual because she was too loose. The guy believed that if she was turned on she would be “gripping” him. Any truth to that?

  • Rajan says:

    My wife’s vagina doesn’t open up even after proper foreplay. And even if i try to arouse it with my fingers or tongue, she wouldn’t let me do it. She wouldn’t spread her legs wide even for me to work on her vagina. Due to this, neither I nor she gets satisfaction. I have a good erection and we both are quite healthy otherwise. We both are in the late 40s and do regular exercises to keep ourselves fit and strong.

    Despite having tried all measures, I am not able to find a solution to this problem. Could anyone here kindly advise as to what we should do to have a satisfactory sex life. Thank you.

  • Michael Castleman says:

    I’m sorry you’re having such trouble. I can’t offer you any quick fix, but if you’re writing from the U.S. or Canada, I would suggest consulting a sex therapist. A few months of weekly sex therapy just might help. To find a sex therapist near you visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology. If you’re not in the U.S. or Canada, I’d urge you to contact those three organizations and ask if they know of any sex therapists near you. Good luck.

  • Tony .M says:

    My name is Tony I’m 26 years old my lover & I have endured many harsh obstacles throughout the duration of our relationship some of witch were infact related to the topic currently in discussion here however after having read this I’m confident that my once troublesome perspective of these circumstances will change for the better your insight has been most helpful thank you all for your willingness to share your knowledge & I wish you all the best of luck in solving your own difficulties

  • sIYA rAM says:

    dear Rajan, please understand the sex therapy of female body that is not even to all females. it may be the sexual acehievement is not centered in vagina of ur wife. It may be somewhere in body i. e. in nipples or fore play with breasts or playing to other places. so as to achieve wet pussy before intercourse. women lips, hips, arm pit, earback buttuck canal or inner side of theigh to fore play. Please try. it may also be perhaps ur wife does not have interest with sex in vagina. Some cases, it may be for intercourse in her ass interested. she can not say due to shame.

  • botwin says:

    Wow!!! There are not words for the level of uneducated ignorance in discussions surrounding the workings of the complex vagina. It baffles me how so many men respond to questions of the all powerful vag. The relaxation of muscles mentioned are actually internal making up the vaginal canal. So while a woman may be relaxed, it doesn’t mean her vagina gapes open. Yet some women may be slightly wider causing the labias to separate more easily creating an open appearance commonly interpreted by men as “loose“. Body position also has considerable influence on the vaginas state of relaxation and angle.
    OP your “lover” is an inconsiderate demeaning douche. Consider a replacement as he is not even worth an explanation. You deserve better!!! 😉

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