Please answer my question even though I’m under 40? I’m a 22-year-old man, with a thick penis. My girlfriend’s vagina is extremely tight and it takes a long time for us to have intercourse and sometimes it hurts her. What can we do?

Responses

  • Michael Castleman says:

    No problem. Although this site focuses on folks over 40, I’m happy to answer questions posed by lovers of all ages.

    Your problem might have a simple (and enjoyable) solution. Postpone intercourse and use your hands, fingers, lips, and tongue (and perhaps toys) all over her for longer, at least 30 minutes, before you attempt insertion (and invite her to lavish the same loving attention on you). You say her vagina is “extremely tight.” Actually, the vagina is a remarkably elastic organ. It can stretch enough to allow a full-term baby to enter the world. A small baby is much larger than the thickest erection, so chances are that her vagina can accommodate your penis. Usually, when lovers complain that the vagina is “too tight,” it’s insufficiently lubricated and the woman has not become aroused enough for her vagina to relax enough to receive the penis comfortably.

    As women become sexually aroused, their vaginal lips become engorged with blood in a process similar to male erection. As this happens, both the outer and inner lips, part somewhat and the muscles of the vaginal wall relax, allowing the penis to slide in comfortably. At the same time, arousal also produces vaginal lubrication, which helps the penis enter easily.

    Some women don’t produce much natural vaginal lubrication. Fortunately, commercial lubricants can help. I urge you to use vegetable oil or a commercial lubricant. Apply it to both her vagina and your erection. I also suggest you read the article, Lubricants: The Slippery Secret to Great Sex. Lubes are available over the counter at pharmacies, or from our sex toy affiliate, Adam & Eve.

    Beyond lubrication, the key to comfortable, mutually enjoyable intercourse is extended loveplay before you attempt intercourse. I suggest you take a lot more time before you try to enter her, at least 30 minutes of kissing, hugging, and whole-body caressing. Or turn the tables, and instead of you deciding when to initiate intercourse, have her invite you in when she feels ready. Extended loveplay usually makes intercourse more comfortable. It also produces more pleasure for both lovers and more intense orgasms. To learn more, read Caressing Women: Advanced Erotic Tips for Men, and Whole-Body Massage: The Language of Great Sex.

    But I’m concerned that you say intercourse is sometimes painful for her. There are many causes of pain on intercourse. I suggest you read A Guide To Women’s Genital Pain. I also suggest that she see a gynecologist.

    If she’s your age or younger, she might have an unusually thick hymen, the membrane that partly covers the vaginal opening in young girls. In the vast majority, the hymen is thin and pliable, and daily activities (walking, running, jumping, etc.) wear it away by the time the girl is school-aged. But in some young women, hymenal tissue remains intact, making intercourse uncomfortable, difficult, or impossible. If your girlfriend still has thick hymenal tissue, it can be removed in a simple operation.

    She might also have vaginismus, chronic contraction of the vaginal muscles. This can usually be resolved by combining gynecological care and sex therapy. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists or the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.

  • Mariana says:

    On a related subject, I hope you know that every vagina has a fragrance, and they’re different. Now the thing is, using a douche is good on occasion. It’s not something that you want to do all the time. First douching is a good way to get a fresh feeling after having your period, and yes, doctors and a whole bunch of other people will tell you that you should not douche, but in honesty, if you do it once a month after your period you will be fine, the douche nozzles have changed in recent years, so there’s less problems. Just wash like normal and be careful not to get soap inside your vagina and if you do, make sure you rinse really good. Also Vagisil makes a wash for the vagina area that is supposed to be Ph-balanced and is supposed to help eliminate odors but it isn’t needed, and just a wast of money. If you feel you have a odor, that is not controlled by just daily showers, then make sure your panties all have the cotton gusset in them, and don’t wear tight clothes, these two things are the most common in young girls and women in general that complain about the odor. Ok! Relax and take it easy, as long as you shower everyday, you should be fine, you can always go to the bathroom before you and your BF do anything and quickly rinse the vaginal area with water using a wash cloth.

  • Michael Castleman says:

    I’m one of those who advises AGAINST douching. The vagina is a self-cleansing organ. Douching is unnecessary for hygiene and odor control. And it can be medically hazardous. To learn more about the hazards, read Don’t Douche: It’s Very Bad for Women’s Health.

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