a young couple in bed having problems and crisis

Recently my ex and I got back together after he moved back to town after 5 yrs. He is a healthy active skinny 49 yr old. When we were together before he never had a problem maintaining a firm erections.

We are still madly in love and are acting like giddy teenagers. There is plenty of foreplay on both our parts but he can’t keep erections hard enough for intercourse. He is able to have a orgasm thru oral sex and gets sexually turned on and hard when we are apart or together just cuddlin.

This bothers him because besides the smoking he has none of the other conditions listed that might cause this. Although together we both have orgasm thru oral sex, we both want to enjoy the intimacy that comes thru intercourse. Do you have any suggestions for us. Thank You. Oh and one more thing according to him he has not had sex for the last two years due to hip surgery, recuperation time and moving around but his hip is no longer a issue.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    How nice to be back together, back in love, and acting like giddy teens. Sorry about his ED. You say that “besides the smoking,” he has no risk factors. Well, smoking is a huge risk factor for ED, especially if he’s been a smoker for a few decades. The good news is that if he quits, the cardiovascular damage of smoking (the arterial narrowing that links it to ED) begins to subside immediately, and his arteries should be back to normal within a few years. So I’d encourage him to quit smoking.

    Unfortunately, even if he quits, he’s 49, and around 50 or so (earlier for smokers), erections become iffy even if men live exemplary lifestlyes. For more on this, I suggest you read a few of the articles in the Info Library: Erection Myths—and the Truth About Erections, Weak Erections or Erectile Dysfunction?, ED Causes, and ED Treatments. I’m not saying he can’t have erections. He probably can during masturbation, or fellatio, or with drugs. But after 50, most men slowly lose the ability to maintain erections sufficient for intercourse.

    I urge you to see the glass as half full. You’re together, in love, and orgasmic with oral sex.

    But if you see it as half empty and the articles don’t do the trick, I’d suggest a brief course of sex therapy. It’s possible that a sex therapist might be able to help the two of you discover ways to maintain his erections to have intercourse. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, read the article on it. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

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