My 87 year old mother has lived with a man for 42 years. He now demands sex or manual stimulation every waking moment. She has told him NO many times but he continues to ask her to undress, perform sex acts, etc.

She does not have enough monthly income to live alone, and has asked me to see if I could find some help in how to handle this situation. Her partner is getting increasingly angry over her rejection. He had a heart bypass about 10 years ago and prostate surgery 5 years ago, and has a tube from his bladder connected to the recepticle bag on the outside.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Has he been medically evaluated? If he’s as old as she is, his behavior may be a sign of incipient dementia. Mention Alzheimer’s disease and people immediately assume loss of memory. But another big symptom is socially inappropriate behavior, including the kind of sexual demands he’s making. I urge you to have him evaluated. If it’s dementia, the Alzheimer’s medications or possibly others might help.

    If he’s still mentally with it, then I think counseling is called for. You might try a psychotherapist, sex therapist, social worker, or geriatric case manager. I’m confident you can find good people accessible to your mother. To see if there are any sex therapists near her, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

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