Young Couple in Bed

What can I do to get my husband to like french kissing? He has never liked to make out except after he has been drinking?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    What can you do? The short answer is: I’m not sure.

    But there’s a longer answer that may give you some ideas. First, I sympathize deeply. For many people, kissing is one of the most erotic elements in lovemaking. To want French kissing and not get it, that’s very frustrating … and I imagine a sore point in your marriage.

    But I also sympathize with your husband. People should ever feel pressured or coerced to be sexual in ways they’d rather not.

    So it’s not about “getting” him to enjoy French kissing. It’s about quietly coaxing him to open up to it on his own. Usually, the most productive approach involves successive approximations. If you haven’t done this already, start by inquiring what exactly he doesn’t like about the way you want to kiss. Is it any mutual open mouth play? Or just tongue play? Or deep tongue play? What? You might be able to work around his aversion and get closer to what you want. It may be only half a loaf, but that’s better than none.

    If there’s some form of near-French-kissing that he can tolerate, get enthusiastic about that, thank him, and get into it, play that way. Over time VERY SLOWLY you might take little baby steps toward more of what you want. Or you might offer to trade more of what you want from kissing for something he’d like—sexual or nonsexual.

    Of course, all this depends on good faith, playfulness, and a sense of humor. If his aversion to French kissing has become a flashpoint in your marriage, he or you or both of you might feel resentful, and that would probably have to get worked out before you start reaching for successive approximations of the kissing you want.

    If what I suggest sounds too daunting or if you try it and you don’t get close enough to what you want, then sex therapy can probably help. Ideally, the two of you would go—usually weekly for a few months. But if he won’t go, then I’d urge you to go solo. You’ll get emotional support and prob ably some ideas to try. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

  • JeremyZ says:

    Just a thought here, but maybe he’s afraid he has bad breath. But he will French kiss when he’s been drinking, so maybe he’s just inhibited when he’s not a little drunk. Or maybe he’s less inhibited about making out when YOU are a little drunk?

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