worried young man

I’m a 28 year old virgin and I can only get off to hentai (Japanese animated pornography). My mother has been nagging me to find a girlfriend but I have no physical attraction to real women anymore. What do you recommend I do to find real women attractive again?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    I sympathize with your predicament. There’s not a great deal of research on older virgins—usually defined as no partner sex by age 25. But there has been some, and I’ve discussed the subject with many sex therapists and surrogate partners who work with older virgins. Here are my thoughts:

    Older virgin men often watch a lot of porn. You like hentai. Other men in your situation like other genres. But older virgins tend to seek sexual refuge in porn. They also tend to believe that they are so stuck in virginity that what’s the point of even trying with real women?

    But when older virgin men work with sex therapists and possibly also surrogate partners, they discover that they CAN become interested in and aroused by real women. So I would suggest that you start by consulting a sex therapist. If you’re unfamiliar with sex therapy, sex therapists are psychotherapists with extra training in sexual issues. Sex therapists do NOT have sex with you and do NOT watch you have sex. They help clients gain comfort with sexuality. Costs vary, but expect $150-300/hour. Some providers discount fees for those who can’t afford standard rates. For more, read my the chapter on sex coaching and therapy in my book, Sizzling Sex for Life, and/or see the film, “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

    Sex therapy by itself may be sufficient to resolve your issues. But if you can afford it, you might also want to work with a surrogate partner. Surrogates are sexologically trained women who help men feel comfortable touching women and being touched by them. Most are happy to get naked and give and receive whole-body massage to orgasm. Some but not all engage in oral sex and intercourse, but that varies among surrogates. Legitimate surrogates work only in consultation with sex therapists, so you have to pay both. When you discuss working with any sex therapist, you might ask if they work with surrogates. Alternatively, you might contact the International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA).

    I hope you soon discover sizzling sex for life.

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