I am a 24 year old woman in anguish from a fetish wrapped up in trauma complexes. I want to be pregnant–badly. I truly want a man to knock me up. It would only take one pregnancy, especially since I like the prospect of erotic lactation. Unfortunately, it is very hard and can be unhealthy to go on Dom (a medication that helps with induction), and I would want the supply that induction does not have. Currently, I am not able to have children with my busy schedule, but I know there is a possibility of being infertile. How would I deal with that extra layer of infertility grief? How can I make peace with my sex life, my body, my shame, and give life my all if I can’t conceive?
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Your questions are too emotionally deep to be answered meaningfully here. I urge you to try psychotherapy to sort out your fetish/trauma/pregnancy issues. To my way of thinking, psychotherapy is your best bet to begin the process of making peace with your sex life, body, shame, and your other issues. To find a psychotherapist near you, ask friends or your physician. Or, since your presenting issues are to a large extent sexual, you might also consider consulting a sex therapist. To find one near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology. I wish you full resolution of these issues so you can move forward in your life.