Hi, I am a 52-year-old female. Single for 5 years. I am now in new relationship. I would like to have sex with new man. How do I overcome the nervousness I feel? And how I might react? I am afraid I may cry, or something else embarrassing may happen. By the way, he is very shy.
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My wife was in that position some time ago– 50 years old, a widow, and had not had sex in about two years. Our first time was wonderful and beautiful. She told me later how nervous she was, and how gentle I was with her.
Tell your new man that it has been a while since you’ve had sex and that you are very nervous about it.
I’m sure he will go slow and be gentle with you. Crying– my wife did do that, but because she’d told me she hadn’t had sex since her husband became ill, and was nervous about it, I was ready for it to be an emotional experience for us.
EVERYONE feels nervous about becoming sexual with a new lover. I can’t tell you how to overcome your specific anxieties, but permit me to make some general observations that may help you feel more comfortable as things unfold.
What you’re talking about is intimacy and its many challenges. Intimacy means self-revelation, showing your new guy parts of yourself that others don’t see, and trusting him not to abuse your trust as you become more vulnerable to him.
There are two types of intimacy: sexual and emotional. The former involves revealing your body and its potential for pleasure. The latter involves revealing your soul.
You have been comfortable enough revealing your anxieties to me, a perfect stranger. I urge you to reveal them to HIM. Something like: I want to become physically intimate with you, but I’m nervous and may cry…. You say he’s shy, so I’m guessing he’ll reply with great relief that he feels similar nervousness. Which would mean that you have THAT in common in addition to the other reasons you feel mutually attracted. If so, I hope you can see the humor in your situation, both of you yearning, both of you nervous. Talk about it—for as long as it takes to feel like you want to proceed. The conversations should deepen your emotional intimacy, and that usually makes physical intimacy feel more comfortable. There’s no “right” way to become comfortable with sex. There’s just the way the two of you discover—together.
Then I’d suggest this general framework: First, make love from the neck up until you both feel comfortable taking the next step, making love from the waist up. Again, savor it and take your time taking the next step, which is genital play. This process—neck up, waist up, all the way—may feel a bit contrived, a bit like high school, but it provides serial boundaries that should help you both feel comfortable as you deepen your physical intimacy.
Another suggestion: This site’s Info Library is filled with 100 articles, some of which you and he might read together and discuss. Talking about sex usually helps people feel more comfortable about doing it. I draw your attention to the following: Caressing Women: Advanced Erotic Tips for Men; Six Ways to Help Her Have Orgasms; How Women Really Feel About Penis Size; and Oral Sex: Enhancement Suggestions for Men and Women.
Sometimes we become anxious about looming events, and then afterwards it wasn’t as difficult as we feared. It’s fine to be nervous, to cry, to feel a little ridiculous. That’s what intimacy is all about. At first, your lovemaking may not be perfect. Sex is perfectly natural but not naturally perfect. The way to enjoy great sex is to talk about it … and keep practicing! Good luck!