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I can’t get to orgasm during sex. So I researched about it online, and according to the internet, 80% of women can’t achieve orgasm just by penetration. So I started masturbating and focusing on my clit. I couldn’t feel anything for ages. So I made sure I was aroused, and kept trying. I started to feel good, but then the good feeling would only last seconds! The clitoral stimulation only lasts seconds and I don’t know why. Do you know why please?


  • Michael Castleman says:

    Your research is correct. Depending on the study, only a small minority of women—5 to 20 percent—can reliably work up to orgasm from just intercourse. The vast majority of women need direct, extended clitoral caresses by hand, mouth, or vibrator.

    You don’t say how old you are or how sexually experienced. In general, as age and sexual experience increase, so does ability to work up to orgasm. But plenty of older women with considerable sexual experience have difficulty with orgasm.

    My suggestions:
    • Use a vibrator. I see you have a UK email address. If you don’t own a vibrator, there are plenty of sources in the UK. I suggest you buy several. Variety may help. Plug-in models tend to be more powerful than battery models, but try some of each to see which you like best.
    • Obtain the classic self-help book, Becoming Orgasmic by Heiman and LoPiccolo. It provides a step-by-step program that has helped tens of thousands of women become consistently orgasmic.
    • Consult a sex therapist through the following organizations, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology. I believe their listings include therapists in the UK. Or search for UK sex therapists.
    • By the way, my new book, Sizzling Sex for Life, contains information about women’s orgasms and how to create and enhance them. And if you have other sexuality questions, Sizzling Sex can probably help. I don’t ship physical books outside of North America, but if you like, you can purchase a PDF from the book’s site and it will be emailed to you immediately.

    I wish you sizzling orgasms for life!

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