I am 79, male. I have an enlarged prostate. Otherwise I am healthy, normal weight, low blood pressure, exercise a lot. I maintain normal testosterone level by regular injection. I can get erections but, before orgasm my penis softens. I am not able to get to orgasm without real vigorous stimulation. My partner is unable to get me to orgasm by oral sex. I do Kegel exercises regularly. Please help me have orgasms during intercourse. This is very disturbing to me. Thanks for any guidance.


  • Michael Castleman says:

    You’re not alone. As men age, the nervous system becomes less excitable, which is why older men develop problems with arousal, erection, and orgasm. Like you, many men need very vigorous penis stimulation to climax.

    My suggestions:
    • Read my article, Ejaculation and Orgasm Problems.
    • Use lots of lubricant. Lube makes the penis more sensitive to erotic touch and may help with orgasm.
    • Extend your lovemaking. There’s an old saying: What young men want to do all night takes old men all night to do. It takes longer for older men to become aroused to the point where they can come. Kiss and cuddle longer. Take more time for genital play.
    • Try a vibrator. Vibrators were developed for women, but they can also help men. Experiment with different vibes and using them in a variety of ways. You may discover a vibe and a way that helps. And in addition to regular vibrators, try a vibrating penis sleeve.
    • If none of the above resolve the problem, consult a sex therapist. Not familiar with sex therapy? Read my article, An Intimate Look at Sex Therapy. To find a therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.

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